What a summer…

You think you’re in love and then bam maybe you don’t want to foresee a future with him.

Last Sunday when he asked for a key to my place.

What to do, what to do. I’ve been dating Hinge date #1 exclusively now since early June. He’s said he loves me. I have also said those words. I’m now feeling a bit trapped though. I went on a trip and when I got back I noticed things I hadn’t noticed before or things were different or I’m less patient. I’m not sure.

What I know is that he asked me for a key to my place and I said no.

This was a definite discussion point when it shocked both of us.

I’ve examined why I had the visceral reaction to the key and here’s what I found.

While sex is still mother-of-god-holy-hell-how-is-this-possible amazing and sometimes we can have great discussions and we smoke cigars on his deck and have sing-alongs (goddamnit I do like all of those things), there are some problems.

He doesn’t have a job. He’s looking but not like he should be. I don’t like that at all. I am a very driven person. I can’t understand just dicking around like that for two years. It concerns me. A lot.

He gripes a lot about stupid shit. Sometimes I think he is maybe trying to be funny? It’s not funny but I think that’s the motivation. Other times he’s just being fucking stupid. It’s like total first world problems that are just dumb. For example there weren’t baskets at the grocery story, the little carry baskets, and he lost his shit and found a manager to tell him because it had happened several times before. What the fuck?

On a related note, he gives me shit about stuff that is dumb trying to be funny. It isn’t funny. He’ll say how I don’t cook for him. Nope. I haven’t very much. So what? I know he’s just joking but I grew up with a father who joked like that to get his point across in a sneaky way so I take it to heart. Also it just ain’t funny.

He watches too much TV and is on Facebook too much but he thinks he is knowledgable about stuff. On a related note he doesn’t read. I thought he was a reader when I first met him because he has a bookshelf with books. Ha. I gave him three books for his birthday. He’s read none of them.

I don’t like his friends and do not wish to hang out with them. Ever. Yikes. That sounds terrible but it’s true.

But you guys. When I got back from my trip he had flowers and dark chocolate kisses shaped in a heart and he’d filled my fridge with my favorite foods. He picked me up from the airport too. He makes dinner and breakfast for me. He always opens doors and wants to carry stuff for me. He wants the best for me. He cheers me on in my professional life. He thinks I’m the most goddamn gorgeous woman ever.

So now what?

I don’t know.

But I’m listening to that inner voice that said no to the key to my place and I’m backing off. That’s why I’m writing this instead of being at his place. I’m home on a Saturday night and it feels weird. I haven’t done this since I met him. Perhaps part of the problem? I’ll keep ya posted.

Oh. The other thing that makes me think I need to move on is that I don’t want to post stuff about us on social media. I think about dating other people. I wonder if something is wrong with me because he’s really wonderful in so many ways.

Okay. That’s it for now.

But just so ya know, since I’ve been kinda boring lately on here, the sex with him is crazy good.

Damn it.

Photo by Wendy Wei on Pexels.com

One thought on “What a summer…

  1. I enjoyed this internal dialogue.

    Listen to your inner voice or you’ll suddenly find his friends camped on your furniture one night when you’ve had a crappy day at work and are tired. 😉

    I don’t know…sounds like he’s trying in some aspects though…

    Good luck!


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