An epic Saturday: I saw my future lover

“He’s a salty little bitch.”

My daughter’s comment on Hinge’s response to a simple question.
Today, 3:35 p.m.

Lunch with my ex, Hoppy, and in an insane moment of weirdness I saw Sexy Lips out my window. Oh yeah and I deleted Hinge’s number and photos. AND Tantric Man texted.

Holy shit batman. What a day. Read forthwith hastily.

Future Lover

Yes, first things first. My future man. I was waiting at a stoplight, heading to the bike trail so my bike was on the rack of my car. My future lover went whizzing by me on his own bicycle. Yummmmy. Oh. My. God.

He was on a road bike, no helmet so I don’t think he rode very far. He had a canvas messenger bag slung over his shoulder resting on his back. His hair was black and curled on his collar. It had little flecks of gray in it. He was in his 50s and fucking hot. Yes I was able to ascertain this as he rode past. I was stopped at a light remember? And I was gawking.

I must have him. I will be hanging out at this intersection again soon. At 11 on a Saturday. To see. You know. If he goes by again.

I’m not ready for him. I have a lot of growing to do.

But I saw him.

Lunch with my ex before Hinge: Hoppy Sporty Sport

After I saw my future man, I rode my bike 8+ miles and wanted a burger. I was near my old home where I’d lived with Hoppy for two years so I thought what the hell and asked if he’d like to meet me. He was heading out to do the same thing in fifteen minutes he said so we met at a little bar. It was nice. We were always good friends, good companions. He jumped right in talking about work for 10 minutes straight. Then asked about my work. Then we talked about family. He made me laugh several times. It was fun. We hugged, platonic, very platonic. And it was good. I didn’t want to kiss him or anything like that. I said maybe we could be friends now and he said it depends or something. He was always great at the non-answer.

Sexy Lips

Background: So Sexy Lips and I were going to be FWBs then I met Hinge back in May. I was ambivalent about Sexy Lips, which you can read here, then I was pissed, and then I kinda came around so to speak.

Today: After lunch with Hoppy I headed to my favorite Trader Joe’s and came home, enjoyed my vibrator then took a shower and headed to my computer. I was sitting here looking out the window, as I do, and I see Sexy Lips walk by on the street. The fuck. I’ve been looking out this window since I’ve lived here because I write and do homework here (I’m taking classes). I’ve never once seen anyone I know. Then ONE WEEK after I break up with Hinge my former FWB walks by? The fucking universe is applauding my decision.

I texted him: I think I just saw you walk past my window downtown. (He didn’t know where I lived because I always went to his house.)

A few minutes later he responds: I did.

He’d been at a wedding. He looked good. That’s why I noticed the dude. So he invited me for some smoking and sex soon (Alliteration is my friend). I’m not sure I want to go back. Eh. I told him I’m very busy right now but I’d keep it in mind. We shall see.

Tantric Man

Until I began to write this, I did not realize that I had so many interesting man things happen today. Wow.

So Tantric Man texted and told me about his day, asked about mine and if we were still on for Thursday.

Oh yes.
We are.

Dets later my darlings.

Last but very very least is fucking Hinge

Fuck him I say. I broke up with him one week ago. He didn’t want to talk and sent me packing. I have a piece of furniture of a friend of his and texted to see if he wanted it back as I don’t have room for it. Instead of throwing it away or giving it away I thought that would be the nice thing to do.

I texted: Hi. I hope you are doing good. (Yes I know it should have been well but whatev.) Does (insert name of friend) want his furniture back? I have no room.

Hours later, he texts: keep it

People we are over 50 years old. We said we loved each other. I didn’t surprise him with the break-up but told him I was not doing well and what I was thinking. I treated him with ultimate respect and kindness all the way through. What is this silly shit? I mean I get a 16-year-old gonna act like that but a mature man? smh

He unfriended on Facebook within hours of the breakup last week, as did his friend. His other friend wanted a bowling shirt back from my daughter’s boyfriend who’d subbed for them and said he wouldn’t be asked back because I broke up with Hinge. WTF.

Today, I deleted his number. All of his pictures on my phone, fully deleted. Except one. I kept one for posterity.

He wasn’t cute at all. Well he grew on me. But he had a great penis. But he was a pain in the ass and I’m already glad I don’t have to make plans with him.

Girlfriend, I got to pay more attention to my own wisdom. Stop trying to give people so many chances. And guard my heart.

These men don’t show their true colors until two or three months in. Sit back and just see what they are. First few months they are chameleons. That’s what.

That’s it. That was my Saturday.

I’ve been home by myself since 3 and it’s lovely.

Good night darlings. And future man, you sexy thing you.

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