Handin’ out my numbah like a Pez dispenser

Just do it like ripping off a bandaid. It only hurts for a second.


I handed my phone number to three men yesterday. Separately bitches. That would be weird to a group.

Man #1

God he is so cute. He has to be in a relationship because he is cute and funny and smart. How do I know this? I sat three inches away from him during breakfast yesterday. I heard him tell his friends he was 41 and that’s when I perked up and really paid attention.

I was waiting for my friend for our breakfast date which she didn’t eat because she’s starting that thing where you only eat in certain hours. Whatever. I enjoyed my humongous egg and bacon sammich. I don’t care anymore if people want to eat or drink the same thing. I do what I want. Yes I used to care and match people. I know. I’m a fucking weirdo.

Anywayyyyyy this cute guy. Mmmmm mmmm mmm, curly brown hair and a great smile. Had shorts on so I could see his great legs. Was eating his overnight oats like.. well like I’d like him to eat me. Whewwww damn. I completely listened to everything he and his friends were saying which was very easy because this was a teensy breakfast place and I really was three inches away from his. I was reading my textbook waiting for my friend and placing my left hand just so. You know so he could see I was not married.

He didn’t look.


I was coming off my rejection from being stood up Friday and night. Needed to jumpstart myself.

So I did.

I got my card out of my backpack and slipped it under my napkin. I thought about giving it to his friends while he was gone to the restroom. Nope.

They all walked outside and were talking on the sidewalk. I saw him telling a story and swinging his hips back and forth wildly and laughing so hard. My friend had gone to the restroom. I probably wouldn’t have done it if she were there watching. But she wasn’t. So I did it.

I grabbed the card, stepped out of the shop and handed it to him. All three of them, he and his two friends, said thank you. I think they thought someone left something.

Nope. Just me, lolololol.

He hasn’t texted. It’s been 24 hours.

Oh well. I did it. Challenge accepted bitches. Fuck rejection. I don’t care. Gotta put yourself out there.

Man #2

My friend and I were going to Rocky Horror Live. I was wearing goddamn thigh boots and fishnets. I felt amazing even though she also had thigh boots and could be my daughter cuz she’s 24 and she looks like Eva Mendes. I still felt cute even though her beauty is incredible and she’s young and glowy.

So we are at this dive bar before the show and I’m watching this guy and he’s kinda cute. Seems like he is a little sad. He’s playing pool. I catch his eye a couple of times. His friend is boldly looking at my friend and I but we ignore him. He was okay.

But this guy was that broody sexy. I got a pen from the bar and wrote my number on a coaster and it didn’t work. Then Eva’s cousin, let’s call her Sassy, got there and had some paper. So I wrote it (tore up the coaster cuz what kind of weirdo might find it?) and then Sassy asked my plan. I said I’d hand it to him as we left. She said it would be much spicier to hand it to him and sit back down. It’s easy to hand it and walk out.

Hmmm… challenge accepted. I went right up to him and handed to him and asked, “Are you single?”

He’s staring at this piece of paper with my name and number on it, “No (my name) I’m not.” He seemed kind of sorry he wasn’t single. He was nice about it and handed it back to me.

I smiled and took it back and said, “Oh well then.”

I went to the bar to get a shot, had it in my hand, and gave it to

Man #3.

So this guy was wearing a white Adidas jacket with blue stripes on the sleeve and helped Eva and I get the bartender’s attention when we first got there. This bar is a divey divey bar as in the help doesn’t give a shit about you, only their regulars. He’d flagged her down for us and made a comment to Eva about not looking 21. He now flagged her down again so I could buy a shot. I asked him if I could get a shot for $6 as it was all I had (Sassy had given me a dollar.) It was a cash only bar.

I got my shot and somehow we were talking about age and he said it was rude to talk about. I disagreed and asked him how old he was. He said 36. I handed him my number.

I walked back to my table. He had texted in the time it took me to walk there, about 30 seconds. He offered to buy me a drink but I was already toasty enough and we were headed out.

Haven’t heard from him this morning.

It was fun handing my number to three guys.

I shall continue.

Photo by Bruno Cantuária on Pexels.com

2 thoughts on “Handin’ out my numbah like a Pez dispenser

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