Poem I Wrote About An Ex

oh yeah. this is why i fell so hard for him.

poem was written in 2013

“Shots”

We do shots

No one would ever do shots with me

Tequila

The good stuff

We have a ritual

I pour

Set a lime slice by each glass

We pick them  up

And touch glasses

Shoot it

He shivers

I feel the warmth 

The glow as it makes it way

“I’m taking off my shirt after one week,”

He says in wonder.

“I never do that.” 

I’m amazed also.

I don’t worry 

About imperfections, stretch marks,

I feel beautiful and whole.

Sweet creamy coffee

With Rum Chata

made especially for me

and delivered

Lounging in bed

CBS Sunday morning is on

But I’m not watching

It’s my favorite

But I’m not watching

I’m smiling 

And listening

To him whistle 

As he makes me breakfast

Toast, hash browns, bacon

And the best scrambled eggs

In the world

Eggs with spinach, ham and feta

Who is this guy? 

“Fuck”

He says in my ear

Which maybe shouldn’t be romantic

But it is

I can hear the joy in his voice

The surprise

We sleep

Sometimes entwined

Sometimes spooning

Sometimes apart

Coming back together as morning breaks

Hot 3 a.m. sex

Satisfying 6 a.m. sex

Sex before dinner

Sex in the afternoon

Sexting in between visits.

Pain that feels good

Nips, bites, 

Pulling my hair

We like to fuck.

“More!” 

“Huh?”

“The people can make more. Squirt it.” 

I laughed and squirt a huge dollop of gel on the sponge. 

“You don’t mind to smell like a guy?” 

“Nope.”

I hand him the sponge. 

He moves it over my body

  sensual but not sexual 

  comforting, warm and kind. 

We wash each other

I move my hands across

his freckled chest. 

He washes my back. 

Slow and gentle

Calming

I feel cherished.

Yes I am crazy for this man. 

“Let’s go get Monsters

And have a rave!” 

He jumps up. 

It’s midnight.

I am boring and tired. 

We play guitar hero and go to bed. 

But he is not angry. 

Dinner has been consumed

We shopped for it together

Prepared it together

Enjoyed it together outside

As the sun went down

Now the stars are popping out

As we talk

And talk

Quiet serious talk

Of hardships overcome 

Tough questions are asked

And answered

We connect in a way we hadn’t

Under the stars that night

A way I didn’t know we could

He pushes me against the picnic table

Spreads my legs

And bends me over.

I laugh and push away.

I thought he was kidding.

He wasn’t.

Damn.

Opportunity missed.

I am  nervous, anxious, swirling

He is calm, confident, steady

He is there 

To bring a grill, 

cook the food,

Hold my hand

keep the conversation going

Embrace me in stolen moments

My sister makes a your momma joke

A bark of laughter escapes him

I love that laugh

“Wait!”

I’m about to cry

And don’t want him to see

But I wait

He dashes away

And I hear rattling in the bathroom

I’m holding the tears back

“Here,” he presents a vial

That smells of him.

I can take a little piece of him with me. 

My legs wrap around him as he leans back in my arms

A sheen of sweat slickens his skin as I clasp him.

His heart pounds.

My breathing begins to slow.

We recover.

I am filled, overflowing…

I never knew it could be this.

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