Still sore from last night’s date

Lesson learned: I don’t like the back door stuff.

All day, trying to sit. And walk. Ugh.

So last night was my date with Tantric Man. I hadn’t seen him for a month. That’s okay. He’s a busy dude. I appreciate that he sets up a date ahead of time and he keeps it. Now he will consistently be 15-30 minutes late but he usually lets me know.

We have our little routine down now, a local eatery that serves local food. We have the same drinks; mine is my favorite Framboise Lambic; he a Luponic IPA. We split the meat loaf, mashed potatoes and green bean dinner. It’s the perfect amount to feel satiated but not too full for the yoga sex to come. I met Tantric Man back in May, had lunch in June, he texted the day I broke up with the Cranky Narcissist, first yoga sex in September, then the second sex date in October and now the November session. In the October session he put his hand on my throat and went for the back door but he had warmed everything up so it felt good surprisingly.

November sex date: We got to my place and post-haste get to it. We know it’s going to be hours; better get started already. The surprising thing is that there isn’t a lot of preliminaries but I’m excited to be with him so it doesn’t matter. I’m ready. This time he said he was in charge but to let him know if I wanted something in particular. This sounded interesting and I nodded.

It was good, really good. I was having trouble fully relaxing for some reason though. I think I was wondering when he’d go for the back door. I knew he would as he did last time and for some reason this is the end-all be-all for dudes.

Why is that? I get it’s tight I guess but it’s not wet is it? I don’t mean to be disgusting; I honestly don’t get it. I’ve done it maybe three times in my whole life before Tantric Man and then twice now with him. I’m done with it. I’ll tell ya why. Last time was okay, a bit of discomfort the next day but the experience had been worth it. Now you know though the menz have no goddamn discomfort ever do they? No they do not. We even get the STDs easier. So fucking unfair. Is it all because of that goddamn apple? Eve you stupid bitch. Anyway… I’m done with back door sex.

It ain’t made for that. If you can’t enjoy it with the vagage go find someone else’s anus. Mine only wants to do what it was made for, which ain’t having something going in, only going out. LOL.

So he goes for the back door and I allowed it as it was fun last time. But this time it was too long and too forceful but I didn’t stop it. I just didn’t quite realize in the moment how it was going because I was trying to have fun.

I realized when we stopped. But still didn’t say anything.

Then we had round two of normal stuff. I was just trying too hard.

Then we talked afterward. He said I was middle of the road on being open or something like that. Erm. I guess that depends on if you are talking averages of the women in the United States or the women he hangs with who are poly. I truly am pretty open. Baby Ginger said I was vanilla. What the hell with these people.

My body is an instrument for the knowledgable to play. If I’m not there it ain’t because I’m not open. It’s because things weren’t prepped properly. I know this because of Cranky Narcissist. We could have sex for an hour, take a few minute break and start up again. I would literally soak the bed. So I know what’s possible. No one has gotten there with me before or since C.N. Yes it bothers me. Yes I want that again. No I don’t want to be with C.N. because we didn’t have enough outside of the bedroom.

Now Tantric Man is knowledgable and I did have fun. Here’s why I’m kinda salty.

He texted to say how much fun last night was. I said it was but that “recovery was not fun in the anal region today.”

He: “In so many ways we are pushing your body beyond what it is used to. That is part of an adjustment process. With time, your body conditions at this level of intensity. Kind of like a runner who needs to build up endurance to run a marathon. Last night with me on top behind you, it was as if you were conditioned for one mile but ran five miles. Your body felt it afterwards.”

I was feeling a bit of bullshit detection but perhaps my sore anus was making me feel bitchy. I replied, “Hmmmm. Will think on that.”

I knew that I never wished to feel this way again down there.

He: “Yeah, same as the hydration and muscle cramps. All part of the learning process. But you will get there quickly. Once you no longer worry about those things then you can relax into the experience even deeper. Like yoga (I had told him my yoga idea). You can go deeper into the poses. The deeper you go, the more powerful the sensation.”

Then he sent me a song which I don’t feel like writing about right now. Okay I will.

He sent Chicago’s “You’re the Inspiration” and said he remembered dancing to it in sixth grade and how he really liked the girl. Then, “Perhaps there is some symmetry two decades later for you. I can be your writing inspiration and you can dance with me as if you never want the song to be over.”

See? I have lots of writing inspiration. I’ve mentioned that he’s a bit arrogant twice before but confidence is sexy. Too much isn’t but there’s a fine line there.

I said I liked the song. Then, “Still not happy with the sore butthole situation though lol.”

He: “I get it. (I mean do you though?) I find it quite funny! I hope you can laugh with me as this makes a good memory.”

This does not make a good memory. I was at work all day and it hurt all day. It’s still hurting now folks. It’s uncomfortable as all hell.

I said, “I will purchase a strap-on so you may enjoy also!”

“Sounds like an adventure! What are the odds you cn actually maneuver something that big?”

I laughed.

He sent a funny meme.

A couple of hours later I said, “Still hurts. Worried about farting. What might come out.”

He said, “I guess you can’t fart. Which will make you feel bloated. I just farted. Did that help? Maybe what you need is round 2.”

Me: “God no. Nothing is touching that area for awhile or everrrrr.”

He, 2 hours later: “I guess this is what you get for being so cocky! Maybe what comes around goes around?”


He, one hour after that: “Want to talk on the phone?”

Me: “Nope.”

He, two hours later, “Are you mad at me?”

Me: “Yes but I’m writing right now.”

He: “Ok, you write. And hopefully accept my apology for whatever I did. It wasn’t intentional.”

As I just rewrote this for you my dear readers I see that I did not convey my actual pissed offness at the situation and made it all funny and light, oh hahahaha I am so goddamn sore and isn’t it funny? It isn’t funny and I’m upset. I did not convey this. My fault.

What he’s talking about with the whole “cocky” part is that I told him he’s the first man to “best” me. That I usually can outlast every man I’ve been with. I’m ready to go again and again. He did best me. He did love that to pieces. Who wouldn’t? My legs were cramping and I just couldn’t keep going. He won.

But not really.

He left and I had a little meltdown and then I’ve been sore. I’d rather have less intense sex and feel good after and the next day. This was not worth it.

So I’m going to text him and tell him what I’ve realized.

Wait a Tinder guy just asked me out for a drink.

More later. I will call him The Mail Man.

Photo by Pixabay on

One thought on “Still sore from last night’s date

  1. My body is an instrument for the knowledgable to play. If I’m not there it ain’t because I’m not open. It’s because things weren’t prepped properly. YESSSSS!
    I agree with you, ain’t never gonna happen with me. I know two women who’ve had anal reconstructive surgery because they let their partners into the wrong hole too often. And yes, I did say the wrong hole. I could say more about the rise of anal sex and violent kink being linked to the rise in porn (aka 86% violence against women), seriously, if you want to read more on this go to Fight the New Drug, or my site.

    Liked by 1 person

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