Can men and women be friends?

Can men and women be friends? Or is it as Harry said, a lie because men always want to fuck?

Saturday, 7:30 p.m.

The DJ reached out Friday and asked for a date soon. We ended up making plans for Saturday night. I was supposed to hang out with my gay bestie but he had a dinner to go to. The DJ invited me for dinner and salsa dancing. We would go to the lesson and then after was the dancing.

I said yes but then mentioned I had an important event the next morning. He said he was not responsible for me but that he would be “fucking me to God.” Hmmm… not responsible for me. No he is not. I am responsible for me. So be responsible then damnit.

I texted back the next morning that since the event was important to me and I wanted to bring my A-game and that I “am responsible for me” I would be snoozing peacefully by myself by 12:30, for his “dancing and fucking planning purposes.”

He thanked me. I asked later what he thought of it and he thought it was great. I dressed to the nines girlfriends. I had this gold sexy ass dress that I hadn’t worn anywhere yet. I put the fishnets on and then boots so I’d be able to actually move around and walk to where we were going. I was hoping his eyeballs would fall out. They did.

We went out for sushi and talked and talked. He was quite dapper in a shirt, pocket square, scarf, jacket combo that rocked.

Our most interesting conversation has to do with what he said a few weeks ago, that we’d be friends “as long as we were fucking.” This is our second conversation about this. I brought up that he had told an almost complete stranger that they’d be friends, a male. He said yes, they might be. I said, but not me, not friends with me. He says he wants both, friends and sex with me. It felt very “When Harry Met Sally,” when Harry is saying that men and women can never be friends. Sally says they can. Harry says it’s a lie, that all men want to fuck the women they like. It was almost exactly that. I believe I asked if he thought men and women could not be friends. He says it’s dishonest to do so. He says he will always want to have sex with me if we are around each other.

I did some quick research and this subject is being written about still. I find it a very neanderthal idea, that men and women can’t be friends. There’s some research and many articles on it. The most interesting one is from Playboy, which explores all the sides of the conundrum, pre-sex, post-sex, etc. I feel like this has to be a male-female difference. I fully believe I can be friends with a man and not have sex with him. So does this mean that my ex, Hoppy, wants to have sex with me? I don’t think he does. He’s never made any move like that nor have I felt that vibe. Now when I was at his house yesterday, did I think about it? Yes. I thought about what it might be like to kiss him, what he might do, what it might be like to have sex again? Yes. Did I act on it? No. Will I? No, I don’t want that. I know it’s not the best thing and I want to remain friends. It’s important to me to be friends. So I suppose I can agree that a man and a woman may think about that, yes probably think about it, but I think that putting that aside for a friendship is worth it. The DJ does not. It still makes me feel a bit weird, feel that I’m not worthy enough as a friend. He says that is not what it means.

Still, it was a good conversation. I very much enjoyed all that we talked about.

We went to go learn to salsa and I was scared. I’m awkward. But it was fun! We did the lesson and then left to have time for some nookie at my place. We both had a grand time and I have a new item to add to my resume, a superpower he said, which concerns the tongue and mouth and scrotum area. Just sayin’. (Sorry to the people who look me in the face)

We had time for great sex and some pillow talk and he headed out at midnight so I could get rest for my event.

He said he’d miss me as he’s out of town next weekend.

Photo by Valeriia Miller on

3 thoughts on “Can men and women be friends?

  1. I don’t buy into the men and female friends idea. True maybe if you fancy them, but if you don’t, you just don’t. I have close male friends and I don’t want to jump them. In the past, with other male friends, I have wanted to (vice versa too) and it eventually didn’t work. But if there’s no flirty aspect, just deep friendship, it’s fine.


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