If a man wants to see you, he will ask. Simple as that. I think?Sunday, 2:15 p.m.
Feeling a bit bereft this Thanksgiving holiday. I haven’t enjoyed Thanksgiving like I used to and I realize it’s so much about not being with my children. Two and a half years ago my oldest moved to the other side of the country. The middle child has worked most years on Thanksgiving. This year they are together while the youngest and I went to my parents. I miss us all being together on this holiday. I’m so lucky to get them at Christmas but this has become the only time that my three children and I are all together. Once a year is not enough for me. I long to have that family time with them and it hurts a bit to see all the huge extended families out and about this weekend.
The trip home was not restful or peaceful. It was in fact, the exact opposite. I always feel like I have to process toxins out of my system afterward. Now, granted fewer toxins than dealing with either of my exes families. I think I’ve become very spoiled to not having to be around people I don’t enjoy. It feels like nails on a chalkboard now to have to listen to someone who’s being arrogant and not feel I’m able to say what I want to, that I have no voice.
I had really been looking forward to seeing the Liberal Marine Friday night. He canceled as I mentioned in my last post, fairly late in the day too. LM has a way with words that is unusual, very different from anyone I know. The way that he speaks is very different too. I’m trying to think how to describe it. He’s so humble maybe? But intelligent as all hell. I actually miss him and am wondering if we will ever see each other again. He was one of my very first dates after I broke up with the Cranky Narcissist, so nervous that he literally had beads of sweat on his upper lip. He’s very sexual but there is a sweetness and romance to him too. However, I don’t ever see myself with him long-term, as in for life.
So Friday night I wrote and did homework and stayed in. I went to yoga yesterday morning and then went to Hoppy Sporty-Sports house to get some of my Christmas decorations. I ended up helping him rake some leaves. Every time I’m around him I poke at my feelings to see where I’m at. I don’t want to be with him. I never have since I left, not even once. I have felt the melancholy and sadness of what I thought was going to be for us. I can still feel how much I loved him and still care for him. He’s never once asked me to reconsider or made any kind of romantic move toward me. We hug hello and goodbye but it’s very friend-like. I asked him if he was dating or had set up an account on a dating app. Not yet, he said, next year. I offered to help him with it, told him I don’t want to see him on a date nor think about a woman being in “my” house (he’s still living in my dream house, an 80-year-old Tudor with arches and wood floors) but that I want him to be happy and would like to help. I told him he’d want to go on Hinge. I know it will break my heart to know he’s moved on but I know it’s healthy and good. Before I left I held his face in my hands and asked him if he was okay, he said he was, I told him he could call me and talk and that I cared about him.
The Brit and I are supposed to be on a date right now. He texted this morning at 6:30 a.m. to tell me he wasn’t going to be able to meet today or going forward. I was so worried that he found the blog and was upset with me. He knew about the blog and that I was dating other people. He then said that he had reconnected with an old friend and they were going to give it a run together. I told him good luck and that I hoped it worked out. He apologized for doing it via text but that I was “a fun, cute, great gal” and he wished me well. I texted back that I hoped they’d have a great love story. He thanked me and said he hoped I’d find someone similar. I had just written a few days ago that I might cancel the date and wasn’t sure I wanted to keep seeing him so that worked out well.
This is a new match on Tinder that I’m going to go to dinner with on Wednesday. He seems like a very positive person from his bio and our messages so far. We talked about getting rid of fear, he was preparing his creek bank for some natural landscaping by burning it, we are both ENFP so we’ll see how that goes. Even though I haven’t been extremely outgoing he has checked in with me several times over the last few weeks so I just asked him if he’d like to have dinner.
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