Holidays are weird with men.Christmas 2019
My holidays started with the horrible date with Zen Man which scarred me a bit honestly. He’s texted a few times and I haven’t responded. I need to cut it off with him officially I guess? Ugh. I deleted Tinder and have been zero interested in looking for new men lately.
The DJ Meets My Daughter
My oldest daughter and her boyfriend flew in for the holidays the Saturday before Christmas. We had a night out at a bar planned for her to see her former coworkers/local friends. Although I had a grand time, by the time we were headed to the second venue I was ready to be social with my own person so I let the DJ know where we were going if he wanted to come. He had asked the week before about meeting the daughter and I had pooh-poohed it. But this felt chill and I wanted to see him so I asked. He said later he thought I was booty calling him and it almost sounded like he wouldn’t have come if that were the case but since it was a meetup with the daughter he left his friend’s house to come.
Hmmmm…. I don’t do late night booty calls. Or I haven’t anyway. I haven’t been desperate enough yet to do that. I don’t love the idea that if it were a booty call he wouldn’t have come but to meet the daughter he would. Why wouldn’t he come see me either way? I’m guessing he doesn’t want to be at my beck and call. I don’t play those games. I either want to be with someone and ask (or I want to be with someone and don’t feel like asking lol). I don’t do it just to see if someone will jump when I ask. Moving on.
He walks in to the bar and I hadn’t told my daughter he was coming. Honestly I was waiting to see for sure if he would because why have that conversation if I don’t have to and I didn’t want to interrupt her friend time. When he walked in and my daughter saw him, if looks could kill…. bahahhahahaaa. She told me later that she thought I had texted where we were and he had just crashed the party. I love that girl.
It was fun to talk to him and he talked to the daughter and it was all good. It was only maybe an hour. Then we went home to crash.
Italian with the DJ
Sunday was just me and the daughter and her boyfriend, then they left Monday to go to her dad’s. I had a lunch date planned with the DJ. When he asked where I wanted to go I named an Italian restaurant I’d never been to. Italian is always my fave. I got gussied up in a snakeskin dress that probably wasn’t completely kosher for a Monday lunch but fuck it. I wanted to feel sexy. And also knock out DJs eyeballs. He texted my chariot awaited when he got here to pick me up (cute) and I walked down to see him nonchalantly leaning on his car looking suave and debonair, which I told him immediately. His eyeballs didn’t fall out at my dress and I was a bit disappointed. Still glad I dressed up for myself though and felt amazing. The restaurant was gorgeous, service amazing, and we had the best bottle of wine I’ve ever had bitches. I could drink wine every night if it were that good.
We talked about everything. I always have fun talking with the DJ. He mentioned, for the second time, that he wants a relationship. I don’t think I’ve written that a few weeks ago the DJ texted me to ask if we were in a relationship. I said it depended on the definition of one. He said caring, respect, regard and intimacy. I said then we are. We haven’t had an actual full discussion on his thoughts (and mine of course) on a relationship. This word honestly scares me.
During lunch an interesting thing happened. We were talking about the top search words on Pornhub and a woman at the table next to us asked us to quiet down as she had a 12-year-old. Valid. What wasn’t valid was how mad she was and how she looked at us like dirt, even after the DJ said sorry and we’d tone it down. He was classy AF, no anger just straightforward.
We had a grand time, made out at the car, and I invited him over for a booty call for Christmas Eve morning before I had to drive to the ‘rents. He said it would be more fun to wait and think about it. Whuh? We hadn’t been together for two weeks and two days (I just looked that up lol). How much longer do we need to think about it? I said I disagreed but that was fine. If he had something to do ,I’d rather he have said that, even if it was a date with someone else. The “waiting will make it better” sounds like bullshit to me. He dropped me off for my hair appointment and went on his way. After my appointment I got to go to a Christmas popup bar with my gay bestie whom I adore with all my heart. After a few drinks, I texted the Poet to see if he was available for a booty call the next morning. He was.
Christmas Eve Morning Booty Call with The Poet
Hella yes he is so yummy. It wasn’t as extended as before but we didn’t have as much time as I had to leave town. It was still so much fun. He felt bad that he came quicker than he wanted. I felt happy he enjoyed himself so much he couldn’t hold back. Sex with him feels normal (so far) and not strange like it has with some other people. His agenda is to make me feel good he has said. There’s this natural flow to it and we both have fun. Before he left he asked when I would be available again. We’ve talked about the fact that we are too different in age for a true romantic relationship (18 years) but that we are both busy professionals who enjoy having sex together. We are still figuring out what the friends part might entail. We have had some fun conversations about books and writing. I texted him later that I enjoyed it and he said my pleasure was his pleasure. Nice.
I can’t believe it… Cranky Narcissist texted
I broke up with CN the week of Labor Day. He didn’t want to do the break-up discussion and sent me packing with, “I’m sure you have places to go and people to see,” as I walked out of his place fully bawling. I asked about a piece of furniture a week or so later and received a one-word answer. I deleted his number at that point. I expected to never hear from him again.
The week before Christmas, at our Babes Christmas Party Panty Exchange, one of my millennial girlfriends had said that men always reach out at some point and I had said the CN had not. “He will,” she stated confidently. I’ll be damned.
The text came in on Christmas Eve morning, yes while I was boning the Poet. It said: “Just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas. Hopefully you are enjoying time with your family.” I didn’t know who it was at first since I had deleted the number so I sent back a generic, “Thank you! What are you doing for Christmas?” thinking it would help me figure out who it was.
Then I remembered I had his resume on my computer (twas in the trash) and saw it was him so I mentioned his daughter and going to his parents.
He said, “No I’m here in town. Heading out on the 4th.”
So he’s in town all of the holidays and, I think, hoping I was sad and alone enough to hang out with him. No and no. Later that night his friend texted me Merry Christmas with a bunch of happy faces with hearts. Wow. They were together, talking about me. I just think it’s so crazy after five months. I saw a meme that said, “Stay woke ladies. A Merry Christmas from an ex this week is the same as a ‘u up’ at 3 a.m. the rest of the year.” haahahahahaaaa True!
I have not seen the Liberal Marine since the first week of November, eight weeks ago. He got sick then figured out he might have heart trouble and told me he couldn’t get excited so we couldn’t see each other for a bit. We’ve still texted in a friendly nonsexual way though. The week before Christmas I asked when we would get to see each other again and he said soon he hoped. On Christmas Eve I sent a photo and he didn’t respond so I said if he was moving on that was cool, just to let me know. He said he had more medical appointments, and then, “As far as you, I just need a minute to get my health in the right spot and my heart. Not the black one in my chest, but the one I’m going to have to keep in check. I like you a lot.”
I responded, “That’s wise. I like you too. Also though I know I’m not ready for anything really serious or even just one person yet. I always want to be completely honest with you.”
“I get it. Me either,” he said with a heart and a kiss emoji.
The Mail Man
I texted him a week or so ago that I was driving past his favorite bar to which he replied that he’d been working so much he could drink it dry. We texted Merry Christmas a few days later, me first again. Then he asked if I was in town for the holiday. I said no but I’d be back on Sunday; he said he’d be here. Then a day later he asked if he’d left some Fernet at my place and I told him, “Wrong lady lol.” He laughed and said he had drank fernet with me (which he did) and that he’d left a bottle at a friend of a friend’s party. Yesterday after my holidays with family was over I asked if he wanted to hang out at the bar we’d gone to or have a fire in his backyard (which he’d asked me to when I was in Baltimore). He said he’d like it but not sure about the fire because of the weather. Yes I’ve been chasing him a bit. I really wanted to see him one more time at least.
Goddamnit…Now I’m sick…
So I had wanted to have a big week of a date everyday this week but I’m sick and kinda pissed about it. I’m supposed to go to a New Year’s Eve Eve party tonight and not sure I’m gonna make it. Also I have no New Year’s Eve plans. The DJ had asked me several weeks ago. I’d said I thought I was going out with a girlfriend. He said he would craft a plan to pry me away from my girlfriend but then never got back with me. The girlfriend has not gotten back with me either. The gay bestie is out of town as is my other millennial GF. So at this point I’m home alone. I cried about it last night. But I’m sick anyway so I need to just calm down and deal. The reason it is a big deal to me is that as an adult I’ve had one fun NYE. That was at a concert with Hoppy in another city. All the others have been depressing. I wanted to put on my gold dress and shake my big booty at a club with my friends. Not to be.
Okay going to take a nap now in hopes of rallying for the NYEEve party tonight. Feel like poop on toast right now.
Sorry this post was so long.
Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com