Esther Perel’s Intimacy Inventory Question 5

It’s all about the touch baby.


Unleashing the Cougar‘s Eve Lawrence told me about Esther Perel, an expert on relationships and sexuality. When I looked at her site I found a link for an Intimacy Inventory and thought it would be be a valuable thing to work through. The directions say to take a question and mull over it and I can skip around so I chose question five. I got the inventory here if you want to do it also.

  1. Among the 5 senses, which one is most sexual for you? (seeing / hearing /
    smelling / touching / tasting)

I can’t just choose one so I’m going to think through and rank them.

#5 The least sexual is tasting I believe but honestly I haven’t done a lot with this in sex. Have you? Have any ideas for me?

#4 I think the next least would be smelling, although Hoppy had a cologne that I liked so much it made me want to grab him always. But I always wanted to grab him so there’s that. I do think a great cologne is an awesome precursor to sex, to lean in to a man and smell a musky cologne god yes. But if the other three aren’t there: sexiness, great voice or a good touch the smelling isn’t gonna be enough.

#3 I think number three is hearing. A voice in my ear telling me I’m sexy or telling me what they’re enjoying (the DJ) or making sounds of enjoyment is good (the Poet). However this can go awry as it did with Sexy Lips and his baby noises and moose.

#2 Seeing: I remember seeing Hoppy for the second time, and just falling so hard. The first time was eh, he had tried too hard. The second time I had gone out to his place to “watch hockey” lol and he came to the door in a backwards baseball cap, a tshirt and shorts looking hot as hell. My daughters never saw it but I always thought he was sexy. The last year we were together it was like one of those pictures when you turn it and see the other picture. Half the time he was hot and half not at all but I was falling out of love at that point and losing the rose-colored glasses. Conversely though with the Cranky Narcissist I hardly ever thought he was hot (possibly never lol) but the sex was off the charts.

#1 The number one for me is touch. I think. I believe a man could smell good, have a nice voice and say nice things and look sexy but if he didn’t touch me the right way it wouldn’t work. I don’t think this is mind-blowing information. Wouldn’t most people be this way? The other thing I’ve realized recently is that some of the men I’ve been with turn me on a lot more when I can touch their muscles, their skin, specifically the Poet and Liberal Marine. I miss tracing LM’s tattoo on his bicep as he was under me. The Poet is much sexier naked than with clothes on. I love to run my hands over his thick muscle.

I know that I do close my eyes a lot during sex to really focus on my body. I am a visual person so it helps to do that to notice the touch that is happening. I love a soft touch of fingers on my arm or anywhere for that matter, a hand on my face to turn me to kiss them. I like to feel a man’s hands on my breasts, manipulating my nipples, sometimes pinching them. I like it when a man likes my booty and puts his hands on it, when he spanks me or pulls my hair properly at the right time. Zen Man didn’t know how to pull hair properly and gave me a neck cramp from the yank. The DJ and Cranky Narcissist knew how to use their hands in my lady parts to make me cum so hard. Yum.

Like I said I don’t think this is extraordinary. I would think most people would choose touch. What is your top sense?

5 thoughts on “Esther Perel’s Intimacy Inventory Question 5

    1. Awesome! I know it’s pretty personal but would be interested to know which question was the most helpful. Girl you did all of them? Damn. I was kind of overwhelmed by some of them and picked an easy one to start.


  1. Well I am excited to find this for myself. Being a big Esther fan I am surprised I hadn’t heard of it, so thanks for writing about this. For me, I’d have to say reading erotic text, whether fiction or non-fiction, that does get me heated up. Otherwise, like you, touch. I am not much of a visual person, but strangely I find the sight of my man’s legs and body from behind raises my blood pressure 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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