Quit trying to define things and just enjoy it silly.Friday, 8:15 p.m.
I’m going to define diddling. I had to use it because allit-er-ation. I checked the meaning just now and there are several. I mean sex. LOL.
It’s Restaurant Week bitches and I got to go with the DJ to a lovely place. It’s still a bit icy so he texted and told me he was waiting in the lobby for me. He’d gotten an Uber and come in to walk me to the car. I felt sexy in my tight white “Marilyn Monroe” dress and my slouchy suede boots. I swear it is so fun to dress up for a man. I didn’t get to do that with Hoppy. He didn’t enjoy any of the dressing up or going out at night. How did I stay there so long? Cuz I didn’t know who the fuck I was really.
Now I do. And I fucking love to get dressed up for an appreciative man and go to a goddamn luscious dinner and talk and then fuck our brains out. The DJ is always appreciative.
We get to the restaurant and he commands me to stay put. I do. He gets out and goes around to open my door and lets me hold his arm so I don’t fall on the icy street. When we are escorted to our table he pulls out my chair and takes off my coat; he’s done this every time. It’s very nice I have to say. I feel queenly. Our hostess commented how gentlemanly it was. I think she fell a little bit in love with the DJ. She was adorable saying even though she was a millennial she thought it was awesome.
The DJ looked over the wine list and chose a wine for us. This has been another interesting thing. This is the third over the top awesome restaurant with wine and delectable food that we’ve experienced together. He chooses the wine and does the approving, then my glass is poured. I think that if I were the wine connoisseur instead of the man, the server would talk with me. But I’m not and I don’t care to be. I just look forward to what is chosen. In the future if I learned about wine perhaps. But it seems the DJ and I have similar tastes in wine because every bottle has been perfection. I say all this because as someone who has had to take the lead in all of this type of thing, if it were going to happen, it feels odd not to have to. Then I have to poke at my thoughts and feelings to see if I like what is happening. Then I do like it, then I think about if it is okay that I like that. Yeah I’m kind of intense.
We looked over the menu and discuss the choices. The wine came and he pulls out his phone to look at this blog and “refresh his memory” on what I said in this post. Oh gracious. I shrank a little.
As I wrote in that post I stress a little about the DJ sometimes. It’s not an FWB. It’s not a boyfriend – girlfriend. We talk and connect and have sex. He reads this blog for pete’s sake so he knows all my shenanigans. I don’t sense any jealousy. I think I don’t want anyone to get hurt, me or him. I think that is what worries me. But life is messy and we are both adults and we both know what is going on, both honest as fuck. He dates other people too. Although when I asked him to tell me about them he said fuck no, which I’m okay with. It doesn’t matter. I asked because he reads about my men and I don’t know about his people and also 100% no cap as the teenagers say, I’m a competitive person and was going to check out the others spending time with him because I always want to be number one. I’m not saying that’s healthy or good. I’m saying that’s part of who I am.
So he reads the part of the post about him out loud and we talk about it for a minute then we have the most fun conversations I feel like we’ve had so far. I think it is because I’ve been talking to him so much I feel I’m really getting to know him?
We had the best time eating and talking. We are both so interested in living authentic honest lives and isn’t that refreshing? We also talk a lot about men’s and women’s roles as I am fascinated and trying to learn more about the female and living fully in my female powers while he is working on living fully in his masculinity. Our conversations are pretty deep I think.
After dinner we went to have a drink at a bar and I tried to put his hands on my ass and he was quite gentlemanly and said not in public. 🙂 He definitely put his hands there not an hour later at my place though.
I’ve written about feeling forced or expected to give blow jobs in this blog and how it is such a turn-off. We talked about it a bit and he said I should feel that my body is a gift and not any sort of expectation to be met. At my place we kissed our faces off and he pleasured me and then grabbed the condom but I told him I wanted to pleasure him so I did. Just that moment where I decided what I wanted to do and to not even be asked and have to do it because they wanted it or say no and feel bad about it made it so much more enjoyable for me. We had some crazy sex and then collapsed on each other, took a wee snooze and then talked for almost an hour before he left.
He always asks what my schedule is and honors it to a T and it’s goddamn awesome. I don’t know if I ever will want to live with someone again as it is so wonderful to do my thing however I want to do it. Yes I need some cuddles sometimes and a shoulder but I get through the shittiness of it with phone calls or just staying busy.
I’m trying to fully become my own woman with my time, my money and my emotions.
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