Pussy: A Reclamation

Listen to Pussy. She’s got your back.

January 2020

I’m reading Regena Thomashauer’s book Pussy: A Reclamation. It is life-changing for me. Seriously.

Life-changing.

Why?

I am learning to value my feminine instincts and follow them. To listen to my pussy folks. That’s shocking isn’t it? It sounds crazy. It’s not.

Here’s where I came from and I bet many of you relate.

I grew up in a male-dominated home. My mother hardly talked really. It was all about my father; everything was. I never saw my mom go against him. Add into that the philosophy of my Southern Baptist upbringing which includes the ideas that men are the leaders and women are to be submissive and the idea that the last shall be first. The women who were valued were quiet servants.

If you want to turn off most men in the Midwest say something positive about feminism and they’ll immediately think you want to kill them and take away their “rights.” Ugh. This permeates my world.

Look at our fucking orange man leading the country. Someone who said, “Grab ’em by the pussy” is leading us?

I have felt second class and questioned myself my whole life. I remember being in college in my marketing program in a class where the professor watched our verbal communication with a small group through a one-way glass. We were graded on how people listened to us. We were to grab the spotlight and attention. That was the style that was valued.

I’m immersed in feedback from society: the idea that using intuition instead of pure logic is silly, that women can’t think “straight,” that we’re full of drama and chameleons, can’t trust ’em to follow through, etc.

I was in an unhappy marriage for over 25 years because that was valued. Bullshit. It took extreme courage to buck the whole system and leave. Then I fell for Hoppy Sporty Sport, someone who was so opposite of my ex-husband in many ways but still let me know what he thought about my clothes, my proclivity to analyze life, my music, films, etc. I didn’t walk away or put up a fight, just caved so he’d love me. He did but not enough to get his T-count checked, not enough to not drink every night, and not enough to go to couple counseling with me when he “forgot” to propose. Why did I accept so little?

In all fairness he’s a good and kind man, he did listen to me, cuddled (when he wanted), paid for most of the bills and took me to all-inclusive resorts at Cancun and Jamaica (his favorite vacation).

My first step to listening to my inner wisdom was with that counselor. When he didn’t show up for our couple counseling, it gave me the chance to work on myself instead of us. I left him last year in April.

I found Women Who Run With the Wolves: Stories and Myths of the Wild Women Archetype by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes on a Take A Book, Leave A Book shelf at my loft and fell in love with this book. It was meant for me to find it. I know it. It was the second step in my learning to value my own wisdom. I told the Cranky Narcissist I didn’t want to give him a key to my place because of this book. That started the breakup process for me. I listened to the feeling that kicked at me when I said I would give him a key. It was hard but I did it. It was right.

Now Pussy: A Reclamation has taken me to another level of not only listening to the inner wisdom but honoring her, being guided by my pussy. I know how crazy this sounds. I can’t convey the wisdom of this 241-page book in a few paragraphs. READ it. Read Women Who Run With the Wolves also.

Here’s an excerpt from Thomashauer’s book Pussy: A Reclamation:

“As odd as it may seem, what brought you to the point of reading this book is the same thing that got me to the point of saying yes to Vera that day. Something has called forth a part of you that knows. The power of the response within you might be surprising, even a bit overwhelming. But some part of you wants something here, even if that something is not possible to articulate. What you’re starting to discern is that your pussy has a voice. That the voice of your pussy is distinct and separate from the voice of your PWC-educated ego, which is usually your dominant decision-maker. Pussy is where your intuition lives– sometimes known as your gut instinct or inner guidance. She integrates information from diverse sources including the hypothalamus, neocortex, conscious, unconscious, and peripheral nervous system. This is why, when our pussy is engaged, we make better choices. We can feel the right next step in any situation. Women whose pussies are turned on make better decisions and move powerfully through the world. Pussy is truly our higher power, our no-hold-barred truth-detector, our way-shower, our leader, our divine director. She is, quite literally, our GPS.

And yet, we were never taught to listen to her. (In fact we were taught to never listen to her.)

We were taught to run from her truth. (A.k.a. our truth.)

We were taught to ignore her and bow before some other god, some other viewpoint, and any other voice but our own.

And we did as we were told.” (p. 36, Thomashauer.)

See what I fucking mean? Isn’t that fucking amazing? Yasssss queen it is.

Here’s how I’ve changed over the last few weeks from reading this book and listening to my pussy (Yeah I’m gonna keep saying that. Isn’t it funny how shocking that statement is? Consider it.):

  1. Sleep: I’m sleeping nude. I’ve never done this, never felt comfortable. Granted I’m single and sleeping on my own but I still had not done this yet until a few weeks ago. She wanted it, to be free of any restrictions. I listened. It feels so luscious.
  2. Clothing Choices: I went through my closet and got rid of all the stuff I don’t feel gorgeous in. It was a huge tub. I kept them around because it was practical to keep clothes that fit and were professional. I didn’t like them. Now I’m working on projecting who I am on the inside with my outside. For a meeting I steamed my new pink blazer that had resided unworn for a couple of months. There’s a voice inside from my upbringing that says, “Who the fuck do you think you are?” when I step out of the box of the normal Midwestern women fashion choices. I’m ignoring it and listening to Pussy and what she wants. She wants me to feel good and show my joy through my clothes, shoes, hair and whatever makeup I decide I want. At the thrift store last week I chose two things not on sale because I loved how I felt in them. At the register I received a 30% off to use that I didn’t know I had. I was pulled into a vintage clothing store by her, Pussy that is, and bought a completely insane 1960s psychedelic gown, that’s the only word for this thing. It’s a goddamn floor-length gown with a queen chiffon attached cape thingy. I’m going to wear it to a Mardi Gras ball with a girlfriend.
  3. Movement: I’m dancing more. I’ve always loved to shake my ass but let it fall away as Hoppy didn’t like my music and sort of mocked me for the dancing. Now I put my booty music on and dance while I’m cooking. I missed it. I’ve started back to yoga as I adore it and it makes me feel good always.
  4. Rest: I’ve canceled several dates that she wasn’t feeling and she was right every time. I needed rest. I was going to spend my precious time once to meet someone for the first time who I wasn’t excited about at all just to meet someone new. Why? I listened to her and canceled.
  5. Tantric Man: I was supposed to have sex two weeks ago with Tantric Man and was utterly exhausted. I canceled and slept 10 hours and was renewed. I canceled Tantric Man again last night because she said to. She’s done with him I think. The brain is fighting her but she just doesn’t want him anymore. I’m still mulling over seeing him one more time for some reason. I need to listen to her and cut it off.
  6. Solitude: Staying home isn’t being a loser. I’m enjoying my time at home on my own more. I’m writing so much and loving it. I’m reading more. I even watched a bit of tv. Now I’m still going out a lot too but when I’m home I am allowing myself to just enjoy my own company and not feel like this is going to end and I have to be constantly on the go.
  7. Work: I have more confidence and have completely changed my communication style with men. A decision was made a few weeks ago that affected me without even the benefit of a conversation. I went immediately to an advisor and confirmed that it was ridiculous then walked straight to the decision-maker’s office and asked if he’d made the decision. When he said yes, I told him in a flat voice that he’d need to change the decision, that was not how it worked. He acquiesced. A male superior came to talk to me about another decision being made. I disagreed with the approach and said calmly straight from the gut what I thought about it. I listened to his side and gave him a day to do what he needed. He didn’t get it accomplished and I moved forward with what I thought was right the next day, emailing what was happening. He saw me in the hall the next day and said it was taken care of how I wanted. I was denied the opportunity to go to a conference without an explanation. I wrote an email asking why and stating how it affected me and how it was a reflection of our organization. Within an hour I had a phone call from the second in command at my organization and received permission to go. That day the conference was booked and paid for. This is not normally how I operate. It’s so goddamn empowering. I will never go back.
  8. Touching myself: I’ve been forgoing the vibrator to learn how to touch myself properly. At 55 years old I’d say it’s about goddamn time right? This is a direct result of the book as Thomashauer talks about the how and the why of stimulating your clitoris. I’m really enjoying this time with myself. It’s not a second choice because a man isn’t here. I could have a man here if I wanted. It’s a choice to honor and engage pussy in a new way.

Have I convinced you to check out this book?

Turn on babes. It’s awesome. Let me know how it goes.

Photo by Oleg Magni on Pexels.com

6 thoughts on “Pussy: A Reclamation

  1. I think this is your best post yet! Do you mind if I re-post? It feels right to me that your midlife awakening is so strong – and this aligns with my blog purpose too. Some thoughts below:
    Your background – fascinating and though there is some overlap (male-dominated household), the cultural references are unique. Tbh it sounds stifling. What you describe sounds so hic-American, and yet there are factions like this in AU as well – smalltown, uneducated mindset. Urgh.
    Pussy-power/intuition whatever is really just a re-packaging of ‘feminine mystique’, inner feminine, Yin energy, high-self and any number of other ‘words’ for what is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY at our age. Reclaiming personal power (if we’ve had it stolen from us or let it slide or be diminished) is the purpose of our age and stage. I like that you listened to your intuition about those decisions, and I agree with every single one of them. If this book is your spur to action, it is right for you and clearly working. I love this new you even more, and I welcome you on this journey that I too share. I could never get into Women Who Run with the Wolves, but I have a small library of feminist texts from the 1960s onwards, and I am always proud to call myself a feminist. Midlife is about claiming your true self and giving fear away for clarity, purpose and self-respect. Hold up your head high and keep it up, sista 🙂

    Like

    1. Please reblog any post you want! And thank you for your thoughts on it. It’s definitely a more serious post than a Tinder date but the blog is dating and life so I’m going to add more of this type of thing as I’m transitioning to fewer dates and more me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on (Midlife) Adventures in 21st Century Dating & Mating and commented:
    Welcome to the best blog post I’ve read yet by last week’s feature writer Year of Sluttery.

    This post, for me, encapsulates the midlife change – or challenge, or energy, whatever you want to call it – and speaks loudly to our purpose for this age and stage.

    We need to listen to our inner (and higher) selves now, because soon it will be too late. Whether you’re a woman or a man, this piece is meant for you. Listen to your heart (or your pussy!) and make the changes you need to live your truth and value your life and potential. Thanks Scarlett for voicing your thoughts that we can all relate to.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s