Honestly am I still thinking of this guy because I haven’t been able to see him for three months? Like I have to walk away, not him? God I hope not.Wednesday, 7:24 p.m.
Our first date was September 29, 2019. If you are a new reader here’s the post. We slept together the first date and he spent the night (if I’m thinking right the one man to do so since I broke up with Cranky Narcissist Labor Day). He tried to get me to come over a lot the first week and I set him straight. I spent the night at his place (this is when I learned just to go home already because I can’t sleep). I went to his place for a booty call and he’d had nine beers. Then he came over a few days later and redeemed himself. We had a very romantic dinner and great sex for date four. Our last date he got sick. I have not seen him since. That was almost three months ago folks. He did finally go to a doctor and finally get some meds and is working on getting healthy.
I miss him damnit. And it’s so stupid because even though I like him a lot, he isn’t someone I would ever see myself with long-term.
Because he watches too much TV
Because he doesn’t ask me enough questions about my life.
Because he’s not a reader I don’t think.
Because he’s worse with money than I am.
Because there’s some alarm in me that he’s a bit of a mess in some way emotionally or something.
But he’s got a way with words, such a way with words. We stare deeply into each other’s eyes. He’s crazy about me. We have great kisses and sex. He’s smart. Sigh.
We’ve texted for the last three months. 95% of the time it’s me texting first but he responds and says, “Hey beautiful.” Tonight he texted me first, a song, nothing romantic just a country thing he liked the voice. It’s a good voice (Tyler Childers). I told him it was the first time he’d texted me first since before Christmas and asked when we get to hang out again. He said he has another doctor visit tomorrow and felt I needed some space. I asked why. He didn’t say anything.
I texted, “I think you are giving yourself space and that’s fine I can move on if I need to. I know I’m a conundrum as I’m not ready for one man yet and I’m sure that’s scary. I get that. Also I know you are getting healthy. I haven’t forgotten you obviously.”
He responded, “Firstly I’m trying to take care of me doll. I’ve slipped the last few years and I’m paying for it a bit. I’ve never had an issue with you wanting to be with other guys, as I’ve been with other women. I just needed a break from it all. I’ve been doing the single thing for a bit now. It’s tiring!!! I’m certainly hoping you’ve not forgotten me!”
“Please take care of you.”
“I’m trying beautiful. It’s a task momentarily.”
Then I was thinking of how I hadn’t seen him for almost three months and he’d said he’s been with other women. The whole reason we supposedly had not seen each other was his heart and his health. So if he’s been hanging out with others that’s a thing. That’s a reason for goodbye.
So I asked, “Have you been with other women since November?”
Then it had been a few minutes and I thought what the fuck am I doing? He just said he’s been single. Ugh. Fucking fuck it. Who cares? I don’t care if he’s with other women. I only cared if he was seeing others and making excuses to me. He’s not. That’s not him. Goddamnit. Weakness.
I texted back, “Sorry. I see you say you’ve been single. Over and out lol.”
I’m not texting anymore. I’m not.
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