Date #1 : The Smartass Diver

I’m so picky but I think that’s okay. Why not be? I’m not in any hurry to find THE ONE. He’ll show up when he’s supposed to.

Saturday, 4:00 p.m .

So I did a thing. I downloaded Tinder again on Wednesday. I haven’t heard from Tantric since I said Thursdays don’t work for me and canceled last week. The DJ is AWOL on shenanigans. The Poet has been busy AF or sick. The Italian went out of town and stopped texting.

So I did it Wednesday night instead of going to sleep as I should for my work. Was up until after 11. I’ve looked at it off and on but matched with five guys on Thursday. One asked me out and then figured out he had a thing so he couldn’t. He didn’t say let’s look at the calendar, just “Maybe some other time.” So whatever dude. You gotta catch me while it’s hot. I haven’t answered his, “Howdy Girl” and trying to decide whether to unmatch. (I unmatched last night. They are gonna have to be a 10/10 for attention from me.)

As I said in my dating app post, Tinder is refreshingly easy to use. Therefore I judge them pretty harshly for stupid photos (I’m going to do a post on stupid bios soon to help these poor menz out bless their hearts) and for not writing a 500-character bio. Really? You don’t have time to put two sentences together? Swipe left.

I’m such a hypocrite. I just went to look and I had matched with two men who had no goddamn bio. I unmatched and then asked one with nice blue eyes for a bio.

So I matched with the Smartass on Thursday and damned if he didn’t make me laugh with his smartass texts all afternoon and evening. We talked off and on for several hours and I asked him to come in Friday night. And he did. As usual he’s not quite as handsome as his photos but it’s a profile thing. He’s still pretty cute. I have to say when I walked into the restaurant we were meeting at and he turned we both smiled at each other and my heart did a little zingy thing.

We talked and flirted a lot and kissed a little. Then I asked him over to my place. Mmmhmmm

Some good things:

-he went to Florida and drove around for a whole week to look for where he might want to retire to which shows some moxie and dreaming and going after what you want,

-he’s traveled to the Caribbean multiple times,

-he lives near a cool lake and goes there often,

we also have a plus for first attraction, funny, listened to me…

– he seems very normalish… so far.

Some worrisome things:

-he wants to move to Florida whereas I have my mind set on the Pacific Northwest, (I know it’s the first goddamn date but if someone has their heart set on the entire other side of the country that’s a pretty big deal. We are old enough to know what we want. And let’s be honest there’s probably some amazing woman who wants that beach and there’s some amazing man who is in the PNW waiting for me so….)

-he’s not a reader (I think he’s the dreaded tv watcher),

-he griped about the cost of our ticket but that was kinda my fault as I asked for tequila shots,

-I think he laid on the couch for hours yesterday after doing his errands and chores which sounds like Hoppy & C.N. (Twas a gorgeous day.)

-I’m sensing I’m not going to connect with him on the things we like to mull over (He saw my book Pussy: A Reclamation and had no words; also my circus side show photo gave him pause. In other word I don’t think he’ll appreciate the funkiness that is me.)


-he wants to be exclusive within a few weeks, not serious per se but doesn’t want his woman having sex with other people (which I get at some point but two weeks? That’s like the Cranky Narcissist. Another connection between them is diving; also Zen Man who wasn’t zen liked diving. I’m in the midwest where are these goddamn divers coming from?)

Okay the last reallllllly good thing.. the sex. Oh my oh my. We are super compatible and it was the first time no less. It was like with The Poet but the Smartass is a person who I could be in a relationship with. (The Poet is not interested in a relationship and neither am I as we are in very different stages of life. I’m betting he will find someone and become a father at some point.) It was actually a bit better than The Poet in the confidence and the just right amount of taking over but not in a violent; there was a flow to us together physically.

I rocked his world with a BJ he couldn’t believe. He rocked mine too. Then we just fell asleep for an hour and it was nice.

I think he’s scared already. I do. He likes me a lot and here I am saying I don’t want to be exclusive. I told him that was my baggage right now. There was a definite downswing on the flirtiness yesterday.

Unless he shows some energy toward being more of thinker/reader (I think he was kidding but he asked if there were pictures in my books and also when I told him how I had to practice with my group at grad school by being a counselor and then a client he said “Hard nooooo” which tells me he’s anti-therapy which means he isn’t a fully formed man, I don’t think.)

But maybe I’ll get to hit that D a few more times before he walks away.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on

One thought on “Date #1 : The Smartass Diver

  1. Rex here! Man I’m glad I’m not having to date now! I’d fail immediately! Love your posts. Trouble is Naomi is taking your thoughts on board! Lol. I admire your self sufficiency! No dependency. Glad you’re taking your time. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

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