“We are all filled with a longing for the wild. There are few culturally sanctioned antidotes for this yearning. We were taught to feel shame for such a desire. We grew our hair long and used it to hide our feelings. But the shadow of Wild Woman still lurks behind us during our days and in our nights. No matter where we are, the shadow that trots behind us is definitely four-footed.”Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.
As I mentioned before one of my 2020 challenges is forming a tribe of women by the end of the year. The main way I’m doing this is through a book study group of “Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype.”
This book meant so much to me last year. I read it from June to October, in between grad school and moving classrooms, getting involved with summer guy, breaking up with summer guy and coining the Year of Sluttery. I know I want it to be a foundation of my future work with women as a mental health counselor, a writer and a speaker.
Estes says, “…women’s flagging vitality can be restored by extensive ‘psychic-archeological’ digs into the ruins of the female underworld.”1 We are working to get to the natural state, the way we are to be, living our true wildish selves, listening to our inner wisdom, honoring the female intuition. The book “Pussy: A Reclamation,” by Regena Thomashaeur, has a message that goes hand in hand or hand on pussy so to say with Wolves.
Trust yourself. Dig deep and honor and listen to your female spirit. She has your best interests always more than anyone else. She knows things you can’t even put in words. That’s okay.
Estes writes of how we lose this, very easily in fact. It is not promoted by society whatsoever. The male strength, the patriarchy is honored in our culture. The feminine is demeaned at every turn. What is used to call someone a coward? Pussy.
Should be scrotum as that is the weakest a person can be. The pussy takes a pounding and is strong as fuck. Those damn scrotums are little babies, shrivel up at the cold poor things.
Anyway… I’m not here to trash men. And scrotums. I adore men. And their dicks.
I’m here to learn to reclaim my wild feminine, my pussy wisdom. And encourage every female I come in contact with, however that is, to reconnect with her “alpha matrilineal being” also. 2
Estes has this list of ways we sense her, that badass wildish woman we are. It is through our senses, through taste, touch, smell. This makes complete sense. Getting away from technology and television into nature reconnects us with our true selves, our wild woman inside.
Estes mentions nursing. I remember the sense of being so fulfilled at nursing my children. It was a connection I’d never had before in my life. Yes it hurt like a motherfucker the first few weeks then it didn’t and even when it hurt it was such an incredible connection and miracle. To feed my child with my body. I now understand that was part of this, the strength and power of the female.
Perhaps you feel it out in the woods, if you put your phone away that is, if you notice the sun dappling through the branches, that weird knot on the tree you just passed…
Or the water… the way the sun glints on each little movement of the water, the sound of the little lapping at the shore…
I have allowed the winter to take away nature. I’ve been a big baby about the cold. Bullshit. I need to bundle up and get out there, even 20 minutes is rejuvenation.
It can be music. This is one that helps me when I’m not in nature. Thomashauer writes of the joy of shaking your ass. It is a connection to the wild feminine. Although I cried my eyes out last night in pure stress before that I had danced in the kitchen to “Praise You” by Fatboy Slim.
I connect with that wild feminine in a good deep kiss or great sex, touching.
Also through words whether in a book like Fahrenheit 451 where Bradbury literally makes me want to give him a blowjob for his beautiful words (unfortunately he’s dead), or when I hear a spoken word on Button Poetry that makes me see life differently. Words for me are lifeblood. Wild feminine connection to wisdom and the marrow of life. Kisses to Thoreau. Suck deep that marrow bitches.
Estes says that when we regain our connection to our wild feminine we want to keep her, that our lives fall in place, not because our troubles go away, not at all. But that in the middle of life happening we are listening to ourselves, our wisdom now. Look at this quote, “They know instinctively when things must die and when things must live; they know to walk away, they know how to stay.”3
Fuck yes we do. We know all that, if we will listen.
Estes says it so well. I have to give you one more quote. You MUST read this book if you are ready to learn and reconnect. I cannot do this book justice in a few little blogs.
To encourage you look at this though, “When women reassert their relationship with the wildish nature, they are gifted with a permanent and internal watcher, a knower, a visionary, an oracle, an inspiratrice, an intuitive, a maker, a creator, an inventor, and a listener who guide, suggest and urge vibrant life in the inner and outer worlds.” 4
Estes explains that this isn’t religion but is psychology, “a knowing of the soul.” 5 It is us fully reconnecting to what we truly are. Without this… well without this we feel we are empty, dry, unfulfilled, constantly striving but feeling bereft. Estes has an entire page dedicated to the feelings one has when the relationship with the wild feminine is disconnected.
I can see it is the reason I lost myself in trying to get Hoppy to love me so much. I was glowing the day I met him. I know this because I have a professional photo from that very day, my editor photo for a magazine. God I’m beautiful in it. He told me my skirt was “frumpy” on that day, not on our first date but within a few weeks he said it. I wore some favorite boho-style sandals featuring multiple chains to his house the first time. He mocked them and I listened. I got rid of them, of the frumpy skirt. Is that his fault? No it isn’t. It’s mine.
I did that. I should have taken my beautiful smile and beginning of my new life worn that cute skirt and crazy sandals and walked away.
I’ll write more about that time soon.
I severed any initial tie I was making with my wildish feminine that I had begun through leaving my soul-killing marriage.
It’s what I’ve been working on in this year of sluttery, connecting to that feminine wisdom inside me.
Estes ends the introduction with the idea that story is what can reconnect us, story gives us connection to the wild woman wisdom inside.
“Let us sing her flesh back onto our bones. Shed any false coats we have been given. Don the true coat of powerful instinct and knowing. Infiltrate the psychic lands that once belonged to us. Unfurl the bandages, ready the medicine. Let us return now, wild women howling, laughing, singing up The One who loves us so.”6
- Women Who Run With the Wolves page 3.
- Women Who Run With the Wolves page 7.
- Women Who Run With the Wolves page 8.
- Women Who Run With the Wolves page 8.
- Women Who Run With the Wolves page 9.
- Women Who Run With the Wolves page 21-22.
- Photo by Brenda Timmermans on Pexels.com