Being straightforward is hard…. and feels a little bit mean, but it isn’t.Thursday, 6:30 a.m.
I happened to notice that I had been paying for fucking Hinge for the last four months. OMG you guys. I haven’t even been on it since October or something. Ugh. No wonder I’m broke. What an idget.
So I thought, well I don’t want to waste the rest of this month and I’d like to have a date and I downloaded it.
Well I don’t have a date from it yet. I haven’t been on it much and no one is being very fun yet. But what do you know, Cranky Narcissist popped up on there.
Now he is Hinge #1 in my posts from May/June/July/August. Then I re-christened him the Cranky Narcissist after a conversation with Tantric Man (who I’ve been missing a tiny bit this week but not enough to text him yet).
He messaged on my photo of me smoking a cigar and said it would be more impressive if I were blowing a smoke ring.
Dissing me but trying to be so funny about it. Yeah okayyyyyy…..
Then he said he missed my laugh and smile. I’m sure he does. Perhaps he should have thought of that when I was ready to communicate the day I left and two weeks later when I had a question about a piece of furniture his friend had given me. He’d responded, “Keep it.” Okay cool asshole.
I didn’t respond to his Hinge message.
So he texted me.
He said he was disappointed not to get a response from his Hinge message and that he’d like to meet for lunch. He had a family thing to deal with but would be back in town Monday. He hoped all was well with me and that I would consider a lunch date.
I see no reason to go to lunch with him. I’m not going to date him again and we aren’t friends, nor do I want to be friends. He wasn’t even that great of a friend when I was dating him; why would he be a good friend minus dating? He wouldn’t.
At first I crafted a message that is so typical me saying I was sorry for his family thing he was dealing with and making a joke and then I was going to segue into I was sorry but I wouldn’t be going to lunch.
I deleted it before I sent it.
Then I sent a simple, “I’m not interested in lunch. I’m sorry. I hope things go well with your parents.”
It was hard.
I’m such a person who tries to cushion the blow but I wanted him to understand that this was never going to happen.
It’s better that way isn’t it?
Put my big girl pants on and communicate.
This is what I want from people and I don’t get very often. I can take it. I mean, don’t be cruel and evil but just straightforward please. So many men cannot do this. I must have it.
I really do see why it is hard. But it’s worth it. I’m worth it.
I have no dates set up and feel so ambivalent about all of it right now. I’m fairly sick of the average bullshit right now and not having it.
I have some fun things planned with girlfriends Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I may have a virtual date if a certain man comes through but I’m not holding my breath as the communication skills aren’t great so far.
I’m feeling healthier, have been sleeping better, and am almost well! I can sense that a better mood is around the corner.
I hope you are feeling a tinge of spring also; well those of you with winter. Some of you are in summer I think right now.
Once again thanks for reading. You don’t know how much I appreciate you!
Okay carry on.
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