you do you & i'mma do me

Let’s all sing kumbaya and be happy for each other in our own journeys.

Wednesday feelins’

Have you ever noticed how some people can consider your life outside their own and listen and even if they have negative zero interest in doing what you are doing, they can appreciate what you are doing and be interested?

Then there are other people who immediately reflect your life on their own, their life decisions and they feel defensive and throw that at you.

What to say to them?

“Look darling I understand you have a husband and kids and adore your family life and cool for you. Why does me sleeping around offend you? I do not want your husband or anyone’s for that matter. What does it have to do with you? Just go on your merry way and do your thing and I’ll do mine.”

More succincintly: “What I’m doing does not mean I think your life is not cool. I’m doing this for me, you do you.”

I’ve never said anything but it happens. A lot. I talk about my blog to people or maybe I don’ t tell about the blog but I talk about a date. Their eyes glaze over a bit and they look at me in horror, perhaps even a raised lip of disgust. They they say something judgy.

Why do people do this? How does what I’m doing reflect on you?

I don’t think it does… unless you feel “less than” yourself. It’s not from me.

The only thing I don’t respect is not living your own truth. Even then sometimes people have reasons and are not ready to… and I respect that.

Maybe they think sex is essentially “bad”?

I know times are a-changing in this area. There are people on dating apps who are “ethically non-monogamous,” which is what I am, right now. (I truly think I will be monogamous again someday.)

When I tell women about my journey and they aren’t judgy they’ll say something like, “Oh I have a friend doing that! You should meet her.” I love that. I haven’t met them yet but I love it.

I see shows like “Fleabag” and “Mrs. Fletcher” and hope this blog will become a book which will become a screenplay and be right there with my stories joining them.

Many people I meet are fascinated, even have a visceral reaction, and say something along the lines of, “I’m living through you!”

I’m just still trying to work out how to have a voice and be assertive. I don’t wish to be rude. I just want to calmly stick up for myself while not degrading anyone else’s choices.

It’s a thing for me, knowing how to do this. Both of my girls can do it and I’m proud of that. That is from me, not their patriarchal grandparents or their father or their former church.

From me.

I guess I should consider myself and my voice as important as theirs then huh.

Hmmm…. interesting.

Photo by Victor Freitas on

5 thoughts on “you do you & i'mma do me

  1. Yes, I second Janie. And also, the world is full of unhappy people, especially unhappy women who get bad sex or none at all. They may have been stuck in the one unsatisfying relationship for decades, or they may be miserably single. It’s hard to hear about someone else’s happiness or their radical new approach sometimes. It’s hard to see someone swimming against the tide and not feel a little bit shit about your own life. This then translates to judging you or looking down on you. If we could all walk a mile in someone else’s shoes…you know? Love your headline, and you do it so well.

    Liked by 1 person

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