The Masseuse feelin’ the stress

No offense men but it takes you guys longer to get stuff sometimes.

Tuesday, 9:00 p.m.

Over the last 2 1/2 weeks that I’ve dated The Masseuse, the most difficult moments have been when I was stressing out about COVID. He did not deal well with any of it, my concerns, my questions.

Well well well, guess who is finally realizing that this is a fucking BIG ASS deal and it will affect lives and is stressing the fuck out. So much so that he canceled a date. He was supposed to come over tonight.

Actually I had thought he was coming over Sunday (he had thought he said no) and I got upset when he didn’t let me know and I was waiting for him to eat, and just wanting to see him too. But it felt rude. Then I asked him over for Monday or Tuesday and he picked Tuesday because he was tired Monday. Okay cool. We had a great Face-Time convo Monday and I felt good about him again.

I texted him today that I was looking forward to seeing him. He texted that he was sorry but he was about to text me. He didn’t feel like going anywhere. He thought he might be depressed. He said it certainly wasn’t me. He wanted to ride his bike, go home, face-time his kids (and his ex I’m sure) and just make dinner.

It hit me like a slap in the face.
Here’s why.

Two weeks ago he was upset with me for texting him I was not coming over because I was worried about COVID. Then today he literally does the same thing he was mad at me for. (I told him he should have called, that it would have helped rather than seeing that in text.)

I was trying to figure out if he’s playing me (I don’t think he is actually.)

I was trying to figure out if he’s into his ex again (he says no, that he’s concerned because she’s the mother of his kids and it impacts them, which is totally true)

He has been clueless and in denial. It is just hitting him now how serious it is, how much it could impact his kids, how stressful it all is. I told him I thought I deserved an apology for how he has treated me over asking about it the last few weeks and he did apologize promptly.

So… he asked what I had going on tomorrow night. I said had an online class at 6 that could end at 7, (which is plenty of time for him to come over). I said, “And…..” He said, “And what….” I said, “And are you asking to come over?” He said something about it making a long night on a weeknight. Okay so that’s where we are? He isn’t going to come over on a weeknight? Sigh. I let it lie and didn’t ask. I just stared at him and he smiled back.

I told him I was wondering if he was yanking me around, or if he didn’t want to hang anymore but didn’t want to say so. He said it was neither. That he was just stressed.

Okay. He sounded very believable. And guess what folks? IT IS FUCKING STRESSFUL RIGHT NOW.

I said I hoped I could be someone he could feel stress relief with and he said he could but that he just didn’t have the social skills tonight to “be bubbly.” He doesn’t have to be bubbly but I understand just feeling down. Also he is an introvert and is still going to work so he’s around people and is talking all day.

I’m still in. I believe him. I like him.

I’m still maintaining my strong girl cuz nobody wants that other girl, not me and not him. I have my woman wisdom intact and am moving forward cautiously optimistic knowing that we are several steps back from where we were last Wednesday but that we could move forward again. Maybe. Maybe not. Not ready to walk away yet because of the conversation tonight. I was ready this afternoon after that GD text lol. But thinking and talking brought me here to a better place.

Photo by Radovan Zierik on

2 thoughts on “The Masseuse feelin’ the stress

  1. I understand how much this whole worldwide disaster is affecting everyone. It’s even affecting my writing habits and my reading. I’ve noticed only you and a couple of other bloggers I follow are posting. It’s hard to know what to say about what, except that it really does feel that everyone is just bunkering down right now in this unreal and socially awkward time.


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