Trader Joe’s Wine Guy

Just do it bitches. Why not?

Sunday, 5:23 p.m.

I had my mask on, pushing my sanitized cart, trying to remember the goddamn list of things I needed that was at home on the table of course. I had waited in the line out front to get in, six feet apart. and tried not to feel the strangeness, the scariness of this new world. No biggie right? I had thought of a little joke for the hunky millennial, standing by the door who was in charge of telling us when it was our turn to go in. I was going to say he was like the guy at the water slide but maybe it wasn’t quite as fun as that. I chickened out and just said thanks and grabbed my cart when it was my turn.

I tried dodge people in the produce. I waited and waited and they are just staring at the fucking broccoli I mean come on what the fuck. So I broke the rule and went within 3 feet and grabbed my bag of spinach. I wasn’t buying much because I was headed to the wine therapy group and so I couldn’t buy cold stuff. Also I’m moving so I don’t need a bunch of extra stuff to move.

I needed some wine though and that’s where I saw him, Trader Joe’s wine guy. It is so hard to tell dude’s ages but I know he’s over 40 so that’s in the realm of possibility. I was headed to the reds, saw him there and thought wait a minuttttte, he’s cute. So I lurked by the cabernets to stare over my sexy hospital mask, now seeing the Trader Joe’s shirt and nametag and decided, yeah he’s definitely handsome. I wanted to flirt but had no idea how. He looked pretty busy with his little clipboard. I now decided to check and see if he had a ring as I was mulling over which wine I wanted (okay wines plural, let’s be honest). He was counting the wine or something, just kind of standing there staring. At the wine. Not me. No ring! I went past him to the red blends attempting to shoot sex energy out of my eyes. Nothing. I went back over to the Cabs and just stared. Nada. I wasn’t even a blip on his radar. Oh well. I headed to check out and the cashiers were younger and had this bouncy energy that I knew would appreciate what I was about to say. What the hell.

I said, “Hey is that Trader guy in the wine section single?”

Now look I know we are in quarantine and nothing could happen except some texts right now but I was challenging myself to step out of my box of fear and be brave, have some moxie, feel my frisky self, so fuck it, I asked. I also knew it would make their day, and his, either way.

“Which guy?” they both strained their necks to look, the boyish cashier and the adorable gothic bag packer girl.

“That one in the wine,” I pointed.

“Orange shirt?” she said. I nodded.

“Nope not single,” she smiled. “He even has a little girl.”

“Oh well, it was worth an ask,” I shrugged. “At least tell him somebody thought he was hot.”
She laughed and said she would.

Then I forget how it went but one of us said it was always worth a check, then I remembered I had told her months before that I was on my way to a date and we had talked for a moment. Her kindness and openness were memorable, so I said, “We’ve talked before about this kind of stuff! I remember you!”

Then I left the store smiling and the icky fear was gone for a moment.

I was thinking of how fun it would be for them to tell him later.

Photo by Yaroslav Danylchenko on

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