Your family loves you but aren’t always able to just let ya do ya thing.Wednesday evening
I downloaded TikTok back in January but I got so addicted that I deleted it a month later. It’s mind-numbing. During a normal year with grad school and all the things I did not have time for it.
Now it is a great distraction when I’m too tired to think enough to read and don’t want TV. I’ve been on for about a week to ten days.
I was just messing around Monday and I made a little video. I didn’t do hashtags, only made it available for my followers, the two of them.
Then yesterday I made another and added the hashtag #over50. Now I don’t dance and I don’t mouth comedians or do the little tags. I just talk. I like the ones of people who just talk for a minute and share something of their lives.
In the vid yesterday I said that people on TikTok are so pretty I keep lowering the number I thought I was.
Today I said I had a presentation on Zoom and I was tired even though I had nap! And 9 hours of sleep! And I’m just tired ALL the time in quarantine. And was anybody else tired ALL the time?
I mean yeah it’s dumb. It ain’t rocket science. One of my very favorite accounts is Leslie what’s his name where he says, “Well shit, what are you guys doing?” Then he talks about something. Yes he’s funny and famous. I’m not.
So whatever. I was just dinking around with it. Trying to learn it a little.
Made a mistake and shared one on the fam group chat with my adult kids.
“Mom oh my gosh.”
“Your TikTok…. it’s supposed to be for dancing and jokes.”
I didn’t say anything.
The other daughter a few minutes later adds, “Yeah Mom. I love you but she’s right”
What the fuck.
Why do they care?
This has happened before. I do something silly or a little out there and they tell me they don’t like it. They’ve gotten better though. They are adults folks. I feel like I should be able to purely be myself; I mostly always was anyway really but now my almost full self. I get they don’t want to hear some of the sex stuff, even though I can hear all of theirs and be fine. Whatever. I’m the mom. Yeah.
But like this TikTok thing? Are they trying to protect me from someone saying I’m dumb so they’ll say it first? Or are they embarrassed? Someone they know might see it?
No clue. I said to forget I showed them. Then I went and made all the videos private to think about it. It’s not that important to me and I was just dicking around. I hadn’t planned it really but whatever. I will probably make some more. Maybe.
In a few weeks when I have some more time maybe. I don’t know. We shall see.
I guess I’m always gonna be the mom with them huh. I want to be more than that. We are more open than a lot of families are. We share so many things. We have a party night during the Christmas season where we go out drankin’ together, although I have to be sort of a little calmer than my normal self because they cannot even deal with my party self.
It feels a little like when I’m with my parents. I’m just trying to live honest and be myself all the time. Why should I hide parts when it’s not even something mean or hurtful? I’m pretty sure I support them no matter what they wanna do. I don’t tell them not to do something unless it’s really unsafe.
Hmmm.. I just don’t get it. But I think it has something to do with the role of daughter or mom and what they think it “should” be. And I don’t fit that sometimes.
Cuz I’m out ‘o the box for sure.
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