Major Life Change- “Pussy said so”

She knows what I need and it ain’t just about sex, it’s soul stuff baby.

This week

I woke up last Saturday morning and realized the Year of Sluttery is over, for now, in its current form anyway but I had another realization I haven’t told you about yet. I don’t think I did anyway so here goes.

I was supposed to move this weekend to a studio loft. I’ve written about this decision here. I had made peace with it. Then Saturday I woke up and thought, I don’t want to do it. It’s the quarantine bitches. It’s everything and will be for awhile. Let’s be honest. Life may never be the same as it was. Goddamnit I can’t think that way too long or I just want to go to bed and cry so let’s just look at the next year. It ain’t going to be the same. Now living in a loft downtown is cool when I can go to coffee shops to write, visit the library rooftop garden, be out for drinks at different establishments several times a week. Love it so much. But this life, sitting in a tiny space looking out a window that doesn’t open, no balcony, no outdoor space to work. I need out.

I need air and sun and space in this quarantine and if I can do that I’m going to. That’s what I decided Saturday. I immediately emailed my lease person to see what the fees would be to not move into the studio. If I just would lose my deposit of $300, worth it to look for something with a yard. If I would have to pay three months rent, hello studio loft I will make the best of you. She was out of the office until TUESDAY. I have to be out of here by May 1st!

So I researched rent houses just in case. The cute ones would come up and be gone in a day. Damn it. But I couldn’t make a move until I heard and of course the office isn’t open, cuz quarantine. I waited. Nervous. I did have an interesting convo with a rental manager who was a bitch. I told her my situation, that I was waiting to hear from my leasing agent. She kind of laughed. I asked about new laws that help people right now and she was salty AF about it saying people were all about using them to get out of things. Then she said why should they trust me to sign a lease for them when I’m changing my mind on the studio? She completely ignored my quarantine mental health reason and went for my character. I felt bad about myself for a minute then thought um no. Ok Rocky. Your business hasn’t figured out that this is a world goddamn crises and heart and soul is needed here. Oh yeah most landlords don’t have souls. I forgot for half a second.

So I emailed the studio leasing agent Tuesday morning asking again as I hadn’t heard and was ready to GO if it was good news. It was. She said it would just be the deposit and she was lovely about it too. Fuck Rocky; this is how you treat people. Thanks Shea.

I did an online rental home search, gathered a list of nine places that were safe and in my budget and headed out to drive past them. I marked off the first one, gross. The second was a possible. The third was awful. The fourth was on the coolest street and near an awesome park so I called the landlord. She said there was a key in the mailbox so I went in. Outside was cool, great front porch, living room was kind of neat buttttt then it was like a murder house, like a house where someone would get murdered or did or at least there’d be mean ghosts. Yikes. I was scared to look around even. Bad vibes, mold smell, creepy stairs leading down to a creepy weird bedroom in a basement. Nope. This lady was so nice though and was going to work with me on rent and what could they do to get me in this house. I said I’d look at my others and get back with her.

I drove down to the fifth house. Great street, looked taken care of. Called the landlord; she came over within ten minutes to give me a tour. Fell fucking in love with this place the minute I stepped in and then more and more as we went through it. Hardwood floors, archways, black and white tile in the kitchen, and best of all a front porch. I have always always wanted to have a front porch. I have never in my life had a front porch. I do now. Yes decks are fine but front porches are a whole different thing. A culture. A mindset. I’m in.

I got this house. I’m moving there next Wednesday. For three days now, except for the whole “no one will help me move” moment of despair, I have this joy that bubbles up in me. Oh I can make a french boudoir out of that little room by the bathroom. I can put my wicker chair that is at Hoppy’s on the front porch. I can put my writing desk in the dining room because there is great light there. I’ll get plants. The hammock can go in my backyard. Fuck yes.

I moved downtown last year and have adored it. I love this city. Everyday on the way to work I blew the skyline a kiss and told her I loved her and I’d be back later. I may come back to live down here but honestly I don’t think I will. I think I can enjoy this house and journey 60 blocks to enjoy downtown. I’ve made a promise to myself and her to visit her once a week, whether for a walk or run, or very definitely coffee shops and happy hours and First Fridays and shenanigans when things open up again.

But I’m ready for this little house, more peace and quiet. It’s the neighborhood I lived with Hoppy; he’s leaving a week later. I’m taking over. I hope to make it my own, use it for the year of discovery.

🙂

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

5 thoughts on “Major Life Change- “Pussy said so”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s