Sweat Equity

When ya moving you need money or lots of family and friends. I’m screwed.


I’m moving next week. I really really really wish I could move my possessions by myself, taking my time, not bothering anyone, but that is completely impossible. I did have things scheduled where I had five days to move then I changed my mind on where I was moving. That’s a different post.

I’m from the country, a culture where neighbors got together to raise barns for another neighbor. We do not pay people to move our shit. We gather friends, family, pickup trucks and stock trailers and we get-er-done. I still have this mindset but it ain’t working here folks. I ordered a huge truck, cajoled my son into driving 3 hours to come and help me and I have my daughter who’s here. Now that’s my family; they will be here, although the daughter has bitched several times about how much shit I have and I’m just about over it. Truly. My son is even bringing his girlfriend to help and we can get most of it but with my daughter’s anxiety and griping yesterday I started freaking out a bit about getting it done. I started thinking, “I need more help!!!”

Now before we move on with this moving talk which is at heart a talk of generations and friendship and family and money and what is expected or given, you need to know that I moved here a year ago. I got a bigass U-haul truck and six people showed up to help me move my shit from my dream house or house of broken dreams with Hoppy to the downtown loft. It was stressful yes. We were downtown in a huge moving truck, the bus couldn’t get by, we were using the elevators because no one told us there was a door to an alley, it was horrible.That’s just what moving is. It ain’t gonna be fun. It’s sweat and annoyance and general fuckery of a not-good kind.

I tried to properly thank people. I bought the guys their favorite bottles of booze. I took the millennial girlfriends and my daughter to a concert, bought the tix and some drinks. I sent thank you card to my two friends who were my age that showed up.

I hate asking for help and won’t do it unless I have to. Hate it.

Now I’m moving again. It’s been a year. I posted about it. The friends my age are very quiet about helping again. I didn’t ask them personally but I did reach out to the millennials. One has not responded back and honestly hasn’t been a good friend the whole year although pretends to be when it works for her.

I messaged a former bf of my other daughter, someone who is also off work, someone I’ve known since they were 14 years old. I said you wanna help me move? He said, “Nope.” I was surprised and finally sent a “Whatever” gif. He said that’s why he got rid of his truck. I didn’t need his truck, just his muscles but I’m not messaging that.

I texted the other millennial friend, who I’m very close with, to see if she and her man could help and I would pay them. She hadn’t responded so I reached out again yesterday.

They wouldn’t be able to help she said.

That hit me like a slap. Yeah I would have liked a reason because it feels like, “We don’t want to help you. Fuck you, deal with your own shit. We aren’t as good of friends as you thought you dumb bitch. Your problem is not our problem.” I know, 0 to 90. That’s how it felt though.

It’s not their work; they are at home as I am. It’s not the quarantine; they still see family and I just know it wouldn’t bother them. So what is it? It’s a generational thing I guess? My daughter said not to take it personally. She said if she texted all her friends she needed help moving most likely no one would help. Wow. That is so fucking weird to me.

She said no one wants to do that. Well duh lol. That’s the shit you do because you care about someone.

I do put my money where my mouth is and would help literally almost anyone with this. Last year I had known someone barely a year and wasn’t even that close but knew she was single so I offered to help her move. She was shocked but her boyfriends had paid for movers so she didn’t need me. I was serious. I would have showed up and done my best.

The daughters thought it would be funny for me to invite all the men from the last year to help. They’d show up and be like, “Oh how do you know Scarlett?” That is a funny thought, but I have trouble asking my friends for help, let alone someone I fucked once. But here’s a funny thing, a dude on Bumble who I haven’t even met has offered to help. I pushed him off by saying that’s what I ask friends and family for and it’s shiz I wouldn’t ask someone I hadn’t met. Said he was serious, sent his goddamn number. That feels so odd to me to meet this guy when I’m moving. Ah Hi! Here’s all my shit for you to help move and thanks for coming and yeah I’ll give you a thank you BJ when this quarantine thing is over but can you grab the other end of that heavy ass cabinet for now?

At heart though this whole thing makes me feel so alone, like I haven’t formed the close friendships who are there for you NO MATTER WHAT. I haven’t. Not just moving but throughout the year I asked these same people to hang out, to make some memories and got turned down again and again. And again. Truly.

The gay bestie has offered to help but does have to be available for work. But he’ll be here I believe. So I have him (adorable as fuck, maybe 130 pounds?), my daughter same boat, tiny AF, and my son and his girlfriend. LOL. Okay.

You are probably thinking, goddamn woman just call a moving company. I did fill out a quote last night but just to do the big stuff. I can do a lot of it and will. I’m not wasting money on something I can do. If I were rich… well fuck yeah, movers come on in. But I’m not and I don’t feel it is a good use of my limited resources when I have a daughter out of work who needs help and let’s not even talk about credit card debt bitches. Ugh.

So I learned a lesson. Ain’t nobody gonna get up off their ass and help you move darling. Don’t ask or expect. It’s reminds me of that tale of the chicken was it? She was making bread I think? No one would help. I looked it up. The Little Red Hen, she asks for help and no one wants to plant the wheat harvest it, etc. but then they are all there wanting to eat the bread at the end. I’m not sure how the eating part meshes here lol. I guess it would mean they’d want to be over for dinner at my new place or one of my parties I’m looking forward to throwing.

So I am woman hear me roar and all and I will be moving my shit to my new place and dealing with it in a mature fashion. Everyone who turned me down has moved several notches down on the friend scale. I will working to form bonds that are stronger than these in the next year. Also just making buckets of money to pay movers in the future. Ha.

Photo by Homero Esparza Guillen on Pexels.com

2 thoughts on “Sweat Equity

  1. I feel sad about this and I know exactly what you mean. “I hate asking for help and won’t do it unless I have to. Hate it.” I am the same, plus I would bend over backwards to help someone out, even those I barely know. Goes without saying that I will always help a close friend out, in fact I did recently when she moved house. I don’t get it, the attitude you have come up against. Maybe you could tell these fairweather friends how it made you feel. It’s unkind and ungenerous of them. (If that is a word).

    Liked by 1 person

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