My Bestie

I want a man like my gay bestie.


I’m moved in mostly. I mean my mattress is still on the floor because I own a stupid fucking bed that is an insanity of levers and weird shit that needs a drill. It’s a normal bed but it’s on this weird platformy thing. I lost Hoppy’s drill I guess. I borrowed it last year to move and thought I brought it back but he says I didn’t. He’s much more organized that I am so I’m sure he is correct. I kind of a have a memory of taking it to the Cranky Narcissist’s place for some reason and am considering texting him to ask. (I facebook messaged him and asked. I asked how he was doing and said I was sorry I didn’t have lunch when he asked back in January but I knew we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other and I didn’t think it would be healthy for either of us, all true. He said he didn’t have the drill and hoped I was well.)

Anyway I’m moved in mostly and had my first dinner guest over, my gay bestie. He helped me move last week and I had said I’d have him over this week for dinner. I made chicken casserole, salad, butter garlic knots and pineapple martinis. We had a blast, as always.

I love this man. We met last summer when I walked in my first grad class and said, “What the fuck with 125 pages due before the first class meeting?” He laughed. We really didn’t get to know each other though until August when we started riding to classes an hour away. That first night we talked about school on the way then when we got in the car to go home we had a Lizzo sing-a-long. Yes we did. And it was so much fun. Through that whole semester we got to ride together every Monday night and talked constantly the whole ride, getting very personal. Nothing is off the table to talk about with my bestie, nothing.

He’s listened to countless stories of the menz of the Year of Sluttery, hated Prince A, dislikes anyone in fact who doesn’t treat me like a queen. We’ve talked about everything you can talk about. I adore him.

We went out on the town for the first time back in September and had so much fun that we have gone out together many, many times since. Every single time we’ve had a blast. He is the videographer and takes videos of our shenanigans that we’ve both admitted to watching numerous times and that always make us happy. This has never happened to me, to always have fun with someone. We get drunk, laugh and talk, and dance. God we have fun.

While I made dinner last night, he sat on a stool I brought in the kitchen for him, and we talked about school, then relationships, etc. We ate and talked more. Then we went on the front porch and he had me video him doing an epic dance with my skull quilt to RuPaul’s song Glamazon. We then face-timed The Masseuse because we were drunk. It felt like high school, having your friend over and calling the cute boy you like. The Masseuse was funny and kind of weird, so… normal. We came in then and watched two episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars leaning on each other on the couch. He has shared this show with me and it’s fun to watch with him.

What I realized today is that this is the kind of relationship I want with a mate, add in some sexy times of course, but can I have the talking, the understanding, the championing and the fun and the closeness? I am wholly myself with my bestie and not just accepted but loved for me, all of me. That’s what I want.

I think I said something about it to the DJ once, how close I am with the gay bestie and he said something about it being because he’s gay. I can’t remember how it went but the feeling I got from the convo was that it would be hard to get that from a straight guy. Would it? I mean yeah okay I don’t expect my main squeeze to be able to sashay bitches like my BFF does, (how cool if he did though!) but to grab my hand and slow dance with me or shake his ass in the kitchen with me, yeah I’d love that.

Granted he’d need to be a very evolved man. I think they exist. Like Dr. Estes writes, I’m going to choose from my soul-craving rather than what stands in front of me.

{Once again, what stands in front of me is The Masseuse right now. Still plan to see him one more time.}

Photo by cottonbro on

One thought on “My Bestie

  1. I think we need different people to fulfill different needs we have and different aspects of ourselves. I believe it’s a mistake to expect one person to meet all those needs. Esther Perel writes about this and I like her perspective, cutting away the crap that’s layered up over the decades, about how our love partner should be everything.

    Liked by 1 person

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