A different perspective on seeing the not-so-great parts of a date.Tuesday evening
Disclaimer: I am using the term “crazy.” I do not mean mentally ill. This is not a term that should ever be used for that. I mean the side of all of us that is the extreme stuff we don’t show everyone, those parts of us that are purely us that maybe don’t make sense.
I watched a TikTok yesterday. It was a father telling a piece of advice he gave his daughters about a mate. He said it’s easy to fall in love and everyone puts their best foot forward but you need to see the “crazy” of someone you date, that everyone has it, their crazy, and that’s normal. He said if someone won’t let you see their crazy, run, because it’s there and “it’ll getcha.” He said you have to find the right kind of crazy, the kind you can deal with (@didoperspective).
Ain’t that good advice?
I know there is the perception to hide that shit. Of course. But isn’t there also the perception that when people show you their crazy and then you tell your friends, they say run. I don’t feel like there’s any place for the “crazy” in dating and I think that’s wrong. It feels like if problems show up early that’s not good but maybe it means people are communicating and being authentic right from the beginning? Perhaps. I mean yeah.
So then though comes the figuring out if you can deal with their crazy. So important. And that’s what you wait to see right? You wait to see what it is and then if you can deal with it.
The Masseuse (Midlife Dating pointed out to me I used the feminine form and I did, didn’t I? I just liked the sound of it I guess? I’ve never even used this word or masseur in real life. I say massage therapist but he doesn’t do it as job anymore and it just sounded right. I don’t know why. Sex was tied in with massage with him so maybe that? Or I just like the sound of it probably. Anyway….) The Masseuse showed me his crazy and I could deal with some of it but not the communication problems. He didn’t want to communicate, didn’t want to listen nor to share. That doesn’t work for me. Deep communication is mondo important to me.
I know that the people I tell about dates I am considering a relationship with, my sister and daughters and friends, are protecting me, want the best for me, think I’m perfect. LOL Okay they don’t think I’m perfect but damn they want me to have a king and yeah I guess I do too.
With Zen Man the crazy was right there the first date but I didn’t see it then he told me about the crazy and I respected that but then I couldn’t handle it.
With the Cranky Narcissist… hmm… he showed me the first weekend some of it but faked a bunch of stuff. What he showed me was he could not deal with me setting the spoon I used to stir my coffee on the counter. And that you have to wash the dishes before they go in the dishwasher, like fulllllyyyy. He pretended to be a reader but really you know he was a good guy I think, just one that wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. I couldn’t deal with him wanting a key to my place to “help” me by cleaning it. I didn’t like the part of him getting petulant about leaving a concert a few songs early because I had work the next morning. I didn’t like how he mocked me for my politics. I didn’t like his love of white privileged world and how he couldn’t deal with little annoyances like not having a carry basket at the grocery store. So his crazy didn’t mesh for me. But he wasn’t evil and perhaps not a narcissist.
Hoppy’s crazy? Hmmm… he couldn’t talk through a problem to the end. It upset him too much. He drank more than I liked for a partner. He loved screamo music and it just set me on edge. At the end he’d play it in the car even though he knew I hated it. That’s not crazy though either lol.
Hillbilly’s crazy… oh my god. Anger problems, anxious, low self-esteem, alcoholism.
So I bet you are wondering.. what’s your crazy Miss Scarlett?
-If you make a joke at me, my gut reaction is to take it very personally and think you actually “mean” it even though it’s a joke.
-I apologize what for I think (I’m working on this one).
-I get very emotional and stressed about work. Sometimes I get the Sunday blues.
-I have a thin skin for brutal honesty according to my daughter then I come around. I asked her. I propose no one likes brutal honesty at first.
-Lack of sleep is my kryptonite. I can’t handle life without sleep. I’m sad and cry and get upset very easily.
Really though the one to watch out for is when I agree to everything until I can’t stand the situation and yell or run away. That’s the one that could ruin a relationship. If I’m doing that though, I don’t feel I can be listened to. I’ve most likely tried and you aren’t open. So I guess that isn’t crazy. That’s just survival.
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