A rocky start… well maybe not?

The morning is full of storm in the heart of summer. The clouds travel like white handkerchiefs of good-bye, the wind, traveling, waving them in its hands.

Pablo Neruda

The Year of Discovery is off to a rocky start. Not surprising. When you want to make change in your life there’s going to be stops and starts, steps forward and steps backward… ‘s okay.

I had all those dates the first week, then I went to work all day the next week and was therefore shredded and too tired to do anything interesting. Then this week I was under the weather. Just got too tired, didn’t eat or sleep right, and my glands, which have always swollen when I’m tired since I had mono at age 18, yeah those glands they said hunnnnnayyy you aren’t going anywhere this week. So I didn’t. I felt better and worked one day but other than that have been home.

But here is what I have accomplished this week as I switch my energy over from dating men to dating me, pouring all that thought and energy into ME. Crazzzzzy idea. LOL.

I’ve read and read and read:

  • Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola-Estes, Ph.D., chapters three and four (posts coming)
  • Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert
  • if the buddha dated by Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D. (a series of posts forthwith when I try to live the advice in this amazing book)
  • Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair by Pablu Neruda
  • Show Your Work by Austin Kleon
  • O.D.W.A.B.D.A.N.O.T.W.M. by Scaachi Koul

I’ve written and written: 13 posts this week, haven’t posted them all yet!

Maintaining relationships with important people:

Sunday: Four-hour Facetime call with my eldest (yes 4!!)

Monday: Cooked salmon with my middle daughter and watched “Unorthodox” together

Tuesday: Three-hour porch convo with Hoppy who dropped by after getting laid off so we processed that together

Wednesday: Got to see my gay bestie for a few hours and it was wondermus

Friday: Two hour+ phone call with my bestie seester friend

My son has called everyday this week as he is moving to his first place on his own.

Created resume’s for two menz:

-Hoppy got laid off so I updated his resume Wednesday/Thursday and used a new design.

-I offered to create a new one for The Teacher and he post-haste sent me his current one titling the email his “Not Very Good Resume.” That’s funny. I worked several hours on it Thursday evening. Sent him a rough draft.

Planning for the future:

  • Took some time to plan my future writing business and what I want to do now to begin to build it.
  • Began planning a list of videos I’m considering making on how to maneuver through the dating app process for GenX, those new to it or those who just want to have a better experience
  • Considered starting a singles GenX meetup group (straight and LGBTQIA welcome) in my city with creative and thoughtful ways to meet. Ideas so far: a book club starting with if the buddha dated, open mike nights. Maybe dance lessons? Beer, wine, cocktail tastings; Mixers with fun questions or activities to get people “mixing.”

Steps backward:

The Masseuse

I was on social media and saw I was still connected to The Masseuse on there. I decided I should disconnect but before I did I thought… oh I’ll just give one last look at his face to see where I’m at, how I feel when I look at it. I’ve deleted ALL photos of him from my phone and deleted his number. Within two minutes I had a message from him on there (you’ll remember he texted BLOCKED at me a few weeks ago). The message? “Whatchu want? Lookin’ at my account. Punk!” That’s pretty friendly isn’t it. Yes. I responded, “Jesus how’d you know so fast?” Obvi he has notifications set up to his text. Then a few minutes later I said I hoped he was doing well. He responded, “Same to you Jones!” I disconnected then.

Hmmm… then he sent a request the next morning. ๐Ÿ˜– Yes I accepted. ๐Ÿ˜– LOL. I told my seester and she has forbaitten the seeing of The Masseuse. I pleaded just to go have sexual relations with him but she said no. She said that it wouldn’t just be that and that I knew it. I think I could do it. Maybe. Then I told her how I saw him as that cool roller-skating-hot-as-hell-alternative-dude that turned my little nerdy straight-A’s-no-partying high school head. She laughed so hard.

The Teacher

I’ve been trying to be so patient with this guy. But I’m moving on in my mind and heart. When he moves here he can ask for a date, when he’s ready, if he wants to.

I think he got pissed at me yesterday. We were talking about the George Floyd travesty, he was so angry and I was honestly worried about him being out in the world as a black man that angry. He said, “and Aubrey” and I looked up Aubrey, Texas headlines but of course he meant Arbery. Ahmaud. I sent a voice memo last night saying I’d thought he meant Texas and he sent this: ๐Ÿ˜– ๐Ÿ˜ .

That looks like he is mad I messed up the name when he actually misspelled it. I didn’t call him on it. I had told him weeks ago that I always forget names and places, even of authors, titles, and musicians I love. I’m tired of waiting for texts or calls, of my texts being ignored. He’s got too much on his plate to deal with me and has told me so. I’ll answer his calls if they come and I’m not busy but I’m not calling or texting. My seester says I should let him know this but eh… he doesn’t respond to any of it anyway so I don’t see why I need to. We will see what the next few days hold.

Liberal Marine: I texted and asked how he was.

Tantric Man: has been wanting to hang out or talk. I’ve been a bad friend and barely responded. Damnit this feels like a relationship where I feel I need to help someone but don’t really want to. Yikes. He does need a friend right now.

Upcoming today and tomorrow! Gay bestie time! Marching with Black Lives Matter tomorrow! Finish up at work Monday and begin my summer. I’m going to continue editing posts into chapters to try and get an agent for the Year of Sluttery, then it will be an HBO series bitches.

Okay now that I look back at that. I felt under the weather and STILL got all that accomplished this week? I’m a force. Oh I also watched one million hours of TikTok and made two this week. ๐Ÿ˜œ

Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

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