It’s the freakin’ weekend…

My gay bestie came over Saturday. We hugged, admired each other and got a cocktail. We then played music and danced on my deck. I don’t have a privacy fence. I’d say a low estimate of 20 people could be watching us through their windows because I have four duplexes behind me and two houses beside me.

We didn’t care. We danced our asses off. And laughed and drank. We turned down the music to talk about our lives. Then turned it back up to dance more.

The Teacher called while we were on the deck dancing and I missed it. I texted a photo of the two of us and The Teacher said he’d call later and do a virtual shot with us. Of course he didn’t. LOL. I’ve moved him off my attention scale and it feels really good not to worry about when or how I may or may not hear from him. Like whatever. I don’t care now. It takes me a bit to get it but I do. It’s interesting that there’s this hot and heavy first week with The Masseuse and Teacher and then bam not so great. It then takes me two weeks to figure it out, with much wailing and gnashing of teeth in those two weeks. Ha.

Gay bestie and I did some tequila shots and partied our asses off then hung out with a few of his friends. Two adorable millennials and I were talking on the couch. One of them looked at me and said, “Ha look it’s us three over here cuz we’re close in age.” I almost fell off the couch. I laughed so hard and shook my head and told her I could be her mama. She said nope. Guys she truly thought I was in my early 40s. She’s 33. Here I’d been worrying I’d seem like the grandma of the group. It felt really good. Note to self: quit worrying about your goddamn age and just have fun. Also thank god for hair coloring.

Gay bestie and I came home and slept the sleep of the dead. I made eggs and bacon in the morning, he got the toast together and then we sat on the deck and talked. About our upcoming trip to the mountains, about the protests and wanting to get involved. About his recent break-up, our friends and family that like Trump, The Teacher conundrum, school, sex… all the things.

As we were talking on the deck another message came in. The Masseuse asked me to come do some yoga and grill. That was our first date, and it was a goddamn good first date. My body went whinggggg at the thought of it but my brain said no. They argued for a minute. I brought gay bestie in as the deciding factor and he said eh. I knew that was the right answer. I messaged back that I had plans, okay well I was really nice. I said, “While that sounds lovely I have plans already.” Which I don’t. But I do have a hangover and also I’m unsure about going there. My sister forbade me because of the heart that fell so hard for him so fast. The heart is out. Doesn’t care, but of course she hasn’t seen him since hmmmm gosh two months? Is that right? It is right. Two months. Well we made it past this hurdle. I’m kind of doubting he will ask again. I’m not going to.

In the afternoon, the Teacher sent a selfie and an audio message saying he was heartbroken he didn’t get to do the shot with us. Later I sent him a photo as I was sitting at a bar having a beer and he responded immediately. Neither of us called each other so it’s been four days since we’ve spoken. That’s fine. As I said, I’m not worried anymore about it. I told seester I want to feel THIS way from the beginning, chill and a let’s see what happens attitude rather than the whole OMG it could be HIM bullshit. LOL. It is a secure feeling. I like it and will try to maintain it.

Photo by Kon Karampelas on

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