Please… one-word texters… please read forthwith & hastily.


I was texting the DJ today. I called him yesterday to ask some questions about my FRINGE SHOW! OMG! (More details on this later.)

He gave me some great advice… as usual.

So today I updated him on text what was happening with the show, which it will be virtual so you can actually watch it worldwide! Yes, you Canada! You Australia! You New Zealand folk! (if I don’t chicken out)

I update him in a fairly longish text with some dets.

He texts this:


sighhhhh (this is me sighing. Not his text.)

I text back: “What is it with dudes texting cool”

He clicks the question mark.

I respond, “Without an emoticon or exclamation point it expresses a flat ‘cool’ communicating ‘yeah cool whatever.'”

To which I’ve heard nothing back yet so I’ve perhaps annoyed him which I’m okay with because THESE MEN NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HEAR when they text…


I could have written more to the DJ, which is why I’m here!

Hoppy did this until I taught him better, the Masseuse did this and now the ever-amazing communicator The DJ has done this.

All you need is one more punch of a button to make this okay. Any of the below are good choices:


Cool šŸ˜€

Cool šŸ¤©

Cool šŸ˜

Cool šŸ˜Ž

You can see the easiest is to just throw the old exclamation point on there.

Am I the only one who a simple “Cool” or even worse “Cool.” incites into rage?

Cool with a period is worse! This is intentional or ignorant! You had to type the period! Do an exclamation!

If you are trying to be sexy and cool, it’s not uncool to do an exclamation.

If you think whatever we actually texted is actually cool, do it bro’s. Add the goddamn exclamation point!

If you are being an asshole and trying to communicate some form of a message below, then just fucking say what you mean:

“Hey! Super busy but will get back to ya!” (Takes 30 seconds bitches, even better one more click of šŸ˜˜ and our legs just fall open. Yes I swear to god.)

or do you mean…

“I don’t care what you are saying to me. I hate you.”

or perhaps…

“You have written too many words for me to process with my squirrel man brain.” (Heyyyy settle down menz, it’s a joke. Only applies to those men who actually have tiny squirrel brains, not ALL of you. I lovvvvvve men.)

or maybe the ever simple but powerful…

“Fuck off.”

or even…

“You are a very boring individual that I wish were not texting me right now but you are so I shall slay you with the word- Cool- instead of actually telling you I wish to block your insanely long text missives.”

These are the type of things I think when I see


What does he MEAN by this?!!

I’d rather know if you are busy or hate me. Please.

I’d rather not hear from you until you can have the extra one millisecond to add the !. I understand people are busy.

Also I’d like to know from my readers if it is generational. My daughter said her 29-year-old BF adds the exclamation

Also do women do this?

Thank you for this information and thank you for helping me rid the population of this soul-killing habit.

And if any one of you thinks they are a goddamn clown I fully expect to see “Cool” as a comment and forthwith proclaim you have a squirrel brain.

Photo by Pixabay on

One thought on “Cool

  1. It’s a men thing. I mean…I get males (family, friends, TEENAGERS) dropping off the texts in mid conversation. I think to myself, did they go to bed? Did they get into the car? Did they get bored? WHAT?

    When I have to go I say ‘gotta take a kid to practice’ or ‘off to bed, later’ or something like that. Right? Let them know I’m leaving the texts.

    I don’t know…lordy.

    Liked by 1 person

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