“How much is a large Hazelnut latte? I brought cash,” I said through my mask. She rolled her eyes at me and gave me the total. I handed over the cash. She put her hands up as if I’d handed her a dead animal.
“Oh we don’t take cash,” she grimaced behind her mask but I could see it.
I didn’t even try to ask why she didn’t tell me that when I’d just told her I had cash. I just said, “Ohhhhkayyy” and walked away.
Then I cried. I was just walking down the sidewalk crying.
I’d walked purposely to that coffee shop for a luscious coffee but that wasn’t why I cried. I cried because I’m so tired of being freaked out about the world.
I’m stressed for the deaths, for the families. for the hospital workers, for the protestors, for my daughter who’s working at a bar/restaurant out in the public and exhausted, for small business owners, the out of business signs I see, for the goddamn “leader” of the country (we gotta go through this with him? ugghhhhh), for all the fucking racist bullshit in our country (how are people such idiots?! How?!!).
I’m scared for the future. The bright spot are the changes I see happening because of the protests. I’m so so hopeful for real change.
I walked over to the QT, a whole different world. I was the only one in a mask in there, including the workers? Whuh? They took my cash and I got my coffee (I was out of creamer at home. I make my own 99% of the time.) I felt weird there BECAUSE I had a mask on.
As usual I feel in the middle. I’m not a strict quarantine follower. I had a couple of dates in May. I kissed them. I went to the bars with my gay bestie the other night. We didn’t wear masks. We did distance from other people in the bar but not each other.
On the other hand I’m not completely ignoring that there is a goddamn crisis. I went nowhere but the grocery store and a walk for six weeks until I moved. I stay home. I wear a mask when I go out for errands.
I sure do not know the fucking answer. I just want free testing, support for those who have it to be able to quarantine, support for the small businesses and those who work for them.
In other news…
Talking to The Teacher still. He has called and/or texted every day since Saturday, usually multiple times. Hmmm… he moves here in a few weeks. Won’t it be interesting to see what he’s like? Yes it will.
I’ve been missing The Poet and The DJ.. . and Liberal Marine. I called the DJ and helped me work through some Fringe show stuff last week. Liberal Marine texted that he remembers I wasn’t going to consider a relationship with anyone until July (I originally had subtracted three months with Cranky and so therefore the Year of Sluttery was going to end in July. COVID and my general mood ended it early.) He mentioned getting a whiskey together when I said he needs to write. He’s such an amazing writer. I told the Poet I missed him and asked how he was and he said tired. I saw his face on an facebook post and stared at it for a bit just missing him.
I however am loving my time on my own and hanging with gay bestie. I am feeling very contented but missing a bit of male companionship but not anything serious or demanding.
The Fringe Show
I lost my mind trying to take some of my blog pieces to create a 60 -minute video for the virtual Fringe Fest. When I had a breakdown last night I realized I was the author, screenwriter, producer, director, actor, distributor of a fucking one hour long “film.” And I thought I could do it in two weeks. Ahaahahahaaaaaaha. I can’t. It took me seven days to figure that out. In those seven days (which is why you’ve not seen any posts in that time) I had pulled what stories I wanted to tell from last year, edited them for telling instead of reading, found a tango and a little dancey thing I was gonna do, chosen my three outfits for the three acts of the story, located a stage, found a videographer who’d created the beginning and ending credits, practiced the show with friends (and helped them with their show) for at least six hours on Zoom, performed half of it for the gay bestie in my kitchen Saturday night….
I was exhausted ya’ll.
I wanted it to be good. I knew I was the only one to make it so.
I decided to film in two weeks. I am a new woman today.
I went for two walks, read for three hours, talked to gay bestie on the phone for an hour, and took an awesome 3-hour nap.
I needed the mental break.
Here’s the kickass clip the videographer made for the blog but I can’t figure out how to get it on my landing page. (I spent a solid hour trying to research it goddamn it.)
I think it’s pretty cool! Enjoy!
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