What do I want?

I don’t fucking know.

I just dropped the middle daughter off at work. I’m home alone for the rest of the evening.

Honestly? I’d like to make some food with someone and kiss, have sex and kiss, and then cuddle and kiss, watch something on TV and.. kiss lol. That’s what I’d like.

So I do know.

Now to get to that.


It’s too late for today for one thing. It’s 5:30 p.m. It ain’t happening today baby.

I’m feeling the sads.

I was telling the oldest yesterday about the current state of men, after we’d already talked an hour and a half about OTHER things- biking, Colorado, my trip to Seattle next week, money, the world, all of it. So I mention that The Teacher has been so out of pocket and that I’d not heard from The Neighbor since I made that joke and of course Kilty Man sent me on my way as a friend.

Yeah I’m kinda down about it. Mostly about The Teacher honestly. The Neighbor is a fuckboy and Kilty Man, that was wise. We weren’t cut out for each other.

So the oldest says some slightly judgemental thing about me basing my self-worth on men. But I’m not. I’m really not. I know I’m kickass. I’ve met a lot of kickass men. That’s not it.

It’s fun! It’s nice to have a companion. I’m an extrovert but I’m not feeling a full on going out situation, just more of a chill at home with my man sitch. Except I don’t have one.

Now I have several, sort of. The Masseuse, I’m betting, is probably upset with me for not texting. I like him but I don’t want to lead him on as I am just FWBs with him and worry about spending too much time together. So I haven’t talked with him since last week when I told him to have a great weekend with his kids.

“Thanks lady.” 🙂

The Hot Fireman has stayed in contact but fell off the world today, texted this morning asking when we could start our friendship. I asked when he was avail; nada.

I talked quite a bit to a graphic artist on Tinder last night but he stopped talking and hasn’t said a word all day. I thought he was going to ask me out for a drink from the way things were heading. Nope.

There’s the FWBs. I should check in on Tantric and see how he is but don’t wish to hang with him as he takes lots of energy. I’m missing The DJ and almost texted and told him to ask me to dinner/sex if he wasn’t dating someone exclusively. I saw a photo of him on social media with a cigar and his tattoo and he was looking fine. The Poet is off the market. Liberal Marine was going to ask me out for a whiskey but that’s another lovely man I do not want to lead on.

You guys.. I even looked up Prince A.


I know. I didn’t say anything. Damn it. He’s still in my head.

So really what do we have here?

I’m not into the whole YOS thing, I’m into Discovery. I think I either want FWBs or one dude. I’m tired of meeting one-offs. Too much work!

I’m maybe meeting a man some friends want me to meet tomorrow night. So that’s cool. I’m supposed to hang out with… Bumble Biker tomorrow night. Yes lol I have not seen this guy since fucking October.

I’m fairly pissed at The Teacher for treating me this way. Really I am. My feelings are hurt.

Okay I’m starving and I think that’s partially why I’m emotional LOL. Feed the girl. NOW.

Thanks for reading!


Up to the minute update: The Masseuse just texted that he’s not ghosting me. He misses me but has some shit going on that’s not good. He wanted me to know.

See goddamn it. He is sweet as hell.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

2 thoughts on “What do I want?

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