Bloop… there goes my heart

A bit behind on posts cuz life. The moments below happened Wednesday.

Saturday night

Moment Four: “You can spend the night if you’d like..”

“Nah I wouldn’t sleep. Everything is intense.”

I never ask people to stay. You know this my readers. I am completely understanding of someone wanting to snooze in their own bed as I always sleep best by myself taking up as much of the bed as I want and not feeling like I will bother anyone if I turn over (or emit sounds from my mouth).

But I asked.

Because after the dinner The Drummer and I went to kiss and talk on my bed.

I asked because I felt like holding onto him all night.

Then I thought he turned me down because I was too intense.

Fuck.

Hoppy communicated to me that I was too intense so I’d not shared as much with him.

Fuck. I am intense. Damnit.

He saw my sadness and asked what was up and I shared that I was sad that I was too intense for him.

I’d gotten it wrong. I wasn’t too intense. The situation was intense. We had gotten into a very serious conversation about the future, about Seattle, and dreams we’d both had of our futures, about wanting to look across the breakfast table in 30 years and see the other smiling over their coffee cup. When we talked about Seattle I said I could maybe be here and there or something. He put his finger on my lips and admonished I shouldn’t give anything up I wanted. I said perhaps I could have my cake and eat it too and why couldn’t I? To which we agreed was a possibility.

Other awesome moments from Wednesday evening….

* I told him that I didn’t want to share him with another woman to which he vociferously agreed. Said he didn’t have the bandwidth for that nor did he want that. Yes I was jealous to think of someone else with him, a new thing for me. I’m usually telling dudes I can help them with their dating profiles.

* He wants to figure out how to keep this New Relationship Energy. How do you stay enamored, he wants to know. I proposed that we keep things “clean.” When things come up we talk about it as soon as possible and don’t hold onto things . This is a first for me in a relationship, to say what I need, what I hear him saying, to ask hard questions… he responds by meeting needs, communicating what he meant and answering the hard questions and even thanking me for doing all those things. Guys.. he is thanking me for communicating. He WANTS me to. Mind-blowing I say.

*We were cuddling and talking. He told me he was afraid he’d fail as he had in the past. I told him not to dwell on the past, “That was then, this is now. This is is you and me… us together which is a new thing.” There is no failure. Then I held him as tight as I could.

Each time I’m with him, many times when he texts and on our phone calls I feel my heart falling and falling. And it feels great. As I said before I’m not stressed about it.

I know this is cheesy but I’ve been saying “bloop” as in that’s my heart falling a bit more. So yeah. Bloop.

It truly feels to me, because of the way he has been with me, that I can bring up anything and he will welcome it.

Shut up.

I mean it.

Shut up.

I’ve not been with a man that either didn’t respond in anger or wanted to argue with me when I shared a hard thing. Just listen and consider. That’s all I need. I’m not always right for damn sure but I deserve that. And I give it back.

Like I said…

bloop.

Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

9 thoughts on “Bloop… there goes my heart

      1. Hey man, sometimes, you just know. I felt the same way when I met my wife…nearly instantly. Frankly, the whole thing was way intense and pretty well freaked my shit. I even broke up with her…then realized what a dumbass move that was, the very next day. Anyway, sometimes, you just know. As always, have fun. 😊🤙🏻

        Liked by 1 person

      2. This is very intense. We are forging ahead though because it’s so good. A week in he said to me he wanted to do the work with me, inspired by the stuff in the Skeleton Woman chapter. He was scared (and I was too) but we are “in.” Thank you for the encouragement! We’ve only told supportive folk in our life how important it is because frankly not ready to hear the, “Oh there’s no way for you to know that this soon” crowd.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh, I fully believe in the “when you know, you know” notion. Sometimes it happens more quickly than one could possibly be ready for. Can be a mental roller coaster, and insecurities of the past may try (they did, in my case) to rear their assholish heads. But, if they can be ignored, and y’all just go with it? Hot damn, it’s fun! 😃

        Liked by 2 people

      4. They definitely raised their fucking heads lol. We brought them out and talked about them and put them to rest.. for now of course. It’s an ongoing thing until we shut them up more permanently as we “settle in” I think? Depends on how ingrained they are right?

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I would think, yes. Took me a long time to really believe her when she’d say she loves me or would never cheat, etc. It’s a process, and they’ll still pop up every now and then. But, communicate about them and they lose their power. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s