I never paid attention to stories, especially old ones. Why should I? I just thought it was all strange. I was listening with my ears and not my inner hearing, with my “soul-hearing” as Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes says. My ears were in fact plugged.
But now La Loba is singing me back to life, bone by bone, muscle by muscle, sinew by sinew. I am ready. I am not fully there. If I were I don’t think I would have lost myself so hard in Jan/Feb. But perhaps not. There will always be the valleys, the scary times, the lonely and bereft times. I know what brings me out of these: movement and people. But when I’m sick I lose that. So I’m not going to judge myself for how hard February was. It just was. And it will be again. And I’ll do what seems right in the moment.
Back to La Loba. Estes says she is the “knuckle-bone,” the intersection of myth and rationality, the place where knowledge is imparted through the story, Jung’s collective unconscious.1
The river beneath the river, Rio Abajo Rio, is a psychic state that is sacred. Estes says women get there “by deeply creative acts, through intentional solitude” and “any activity which requires and intense altered consciousness.” She lists meditation, dance, painting, singing, drumming, and WRITING. We arrive to through “yearning and by seeking something she can just see out of the corner of her eye.” Is this not such a perfect explanation that isn’t an explanation? A riddle that can’t be solved, just for immersion of self.
Maybe. Maybe I’m fucked but the sense/nonsense thing makes sense to me right now. 🙂
It says how we get there and what happens is a mystery.
The story The Four Rabbinim tells of how people react when something miraculous happens, one goes crazy, one goes cynical, one tries to beat it to death with enthusiasm, and the last just allow it to influence life and love and creativity. I hope I’m not the third one. I might be. I do beat things to death sometimes. I’m fairly intense.
I wrote the above post in late February. And am just now getting back to finish it. I kept looking at it in my drafts over the last six months but not wanting to delete it because it’s important. I also didn’t want to post it without finishing the chapter so here goes…
I was having a conversation with The Drummer about this book, this tome, this guide for life. He said something about the woo-woo parts, that’s not the term he used but I can’t remember it now lol. He said something like it was kind of like butterflies flitting around. I believe he means it’s not linear, there are parts that “go off track.” I pointed out that the book is female, is for women, is written by a woman and for us, that of course he can read it and glean incredible insight from it as he has but that it is not meant to be linear, not meant to be grasped easily and run with but that we mull, we ponder and let it soak in. Even steep in it. Okay I wasn’t that awesome in what I said. I did say it was for women and it hadn’t bothered me in the least lol. I’m much better with my words here, yet still fairly awful at getting at THE THING of whatever I’m talking about. I keep trying though!
Yes queen… Pinkola Estes writes that Jung wrote in his essay “The Transcendent Function” that some will overvalue, undervalue or be hurt by the experience of the deep consciousness. Instead we need to “show we have been breathed upon […] to live out in the topside world what we have received through our sudden knowings from story, from body, from dreams and journeys of all sorts.” (32)
We “call back the dead and dismembered aspects of ourselves” and re-create what should be created and let die what needs to die.
This part has to be word for word. I can’t do it any justice myself.
“Within us is the potential to be fleshed out again as the creature we once were. Within us are the bones to change ourselves and our world. Within us is the breath and our truths and our longings– together they are the song, the creation hymn we have been yearning to sing.” (35)
What do we sing? We must find out. Ask yourself: “What has happened to my soul-voice? What are the buried bones of my life? In what condition is my relationship to the instinctual Self? When was the last time I ran free? How do I make life come alive again?”
Clarissa says many women’s lives are like life in the desert, we don’t show much blooming or growth on the surface but underneath we have a flourishing life, one we need to bring to the surface.
What life are you hiding? What needs to be brought to the surface for air and life?
Be brave darling.
Excerpts from Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype.
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