So I mentioned we’d been skirting the L word the other day. Yes goddamnit, we haven’t even known each other a month. Yes. Love okay. Love.
I spent last Sunday with him, we’ve talked every day on the phone, he was here Wednesday night and then I was there 27 or 29 hours Friday-Saturday.
We started saying things like, “Oh I have big words.” or “I want to say scary things.” Just skirting it.
Saturday he said, “Let’s talk about what it means. To say ‘love.’ We love family, friends- why is this different?” So we looked up the words for love, phileo, agape, eros, and talked about them. Then we talked about how it’s too soon to say it. Yes we are feeling that but let’s give it some space. Let’s be smart. Wait.
He’d had this funny thought about how no one tells people about a baby until the first trimester is past, to be sure everything was copacetic before sharing it with the world. So if we stole that model it would be three months. Still two months and four days to go. I shared that I’d someone had told me research they saw that many relationships end at the three month mark because people begin to show their true selves. So yeah… three months. Let’s try to do that. We mulled it for a minute.
“Yeah that’s not gonna happen,” I said. “We ain’t gonna wait that long.” We both knew it.
But we decided to wait longer to share what we were feeling.
I know this is a weird conversation. Let’s wait to say we love each other even though we both know we are feeling that.
But I kept feeling it so much. And he can see everything I’m goddamn thinking by looking in my eyes.
We were lying in bed after beautiful sex, just you know…. talking. Sharing words. Kissing. Staring into each other’s eyes.
He’s so sexy you guys.
In my first post I said I’d never have swiped right on an app. True. But that’s why apps are dumb. They are fine for hookups but I now know I swiped right for face (and words) but there’s so much about a person you can’t tell from a photo or a paragraph.
It’s been progressively changing. I first thought, oh he is adorable. Then I thought he’s cute. Then Friday night I looked at him and thought, shit he’s gorgeous. And Saturday, hell yes, sexy AF. These blue eyes, ahhhh those eyes.
Okay so back to staring into those eyes. I was in bed, naked cuddling staring into them and feeling so close to him. So cherished. So loved.
And I had to do it.
I had to say it.
I couldn’t wait another second.
“What’s up?” he asked. “You’ve got a whole narrative going over there.”
I turned away, shuffled my feet nervously on the sheet. Fuck it. Turned back and stared into those baby blues. He stared back and waited.
“I love you.”
His eyes opened wider and then changed color as this joy flooded into them.
We looked into each other.
“I love you too.”
So here we are. We’ve said it. We jumped.
By the time I left we’d said it ohhhh probably eight times each.
I love him.
I’ll keep ya posted. As ever.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com