“So let’s talk about monogamish,” he said.
“Okay!” I snuggled closer to his nakedness with mine.
“One thing I always wonder about it that we have friends we love, more than one, but that love doesn’t take away from the love for the other friend so why is it different with a couple?”
“Well I know for me I would worry that you were going to find you liked that other person more than me,” I said. “But of course that could happen anyway. It just feels like it opens a door for it.”
We talked for a solid half hour about it.
He told a story of a couple who was poly but he’d seen them together for a year and it was shocking to him to see one of them with another person canoodling, “So while I say it’s cool when I saw it, it shocked me,” he said.
We talked about how I’m a rebel and to have a rule could make me want to break it. However I pointed out that I was monogamous with Hoppy and Cranky and 99.999% of the 28 year marriage to the Hillbilly so that didn’t really float.
I brought up how Dan Savage and his partner are socially monogamous but sexually non-monogamous.
Then I told him about how I was posting about The Masseuse and the backpack and how I didn’t go when he’d be there because I’d be tempted to sleep with him.
Is this not the craziest conversation to have so early? It was one day before our one-month mark. I’m being honest as can be with him to build something real. I was a little scared to say it. I wanted him to understand.
“So let’s unpack that,” he said. “Why did you worry about that?”
“Well uhhh we are super compatible in the bedroom and yes I was worried that that would happen so instead I’m going to swing by and leave the backpack on his door when he isn’t there. I don’t need that. I’m very sexually fulfilled with you and I don’t want to jeopardize that at all. It’s too important. It’s too new,” I said.
He nodded, “Yeah that makes total sense.”
I went on, “I know we might consider that in the future, be with others in some capacity, but right now I think it’s important to build our foundation. We are building a partnership and I want to give it space to create a great foundation, strong walls and then when it’s built if we want something like that it would be the little window or the picture but we’d have this whole strong structure.”
We talked about how what we have will change, what we want might change, but right now we want to grow this awesome thing we have without any more complications than already exist. We talked about how something like being open could throw a monkey wrench into things in a way we don’t know.
“Eve suggested I read ‘Ethical Non-Monogamy.’ Have you heard of it?” I asked.
He had heard of it but not read it so we are going to read it together and do this little research project together on what we want and how it could work. We know it will change and grow with us because we are not stagnant human beings. We know that one of us could just connect with someone else or choose another journey and that’s the risk you take with love.
I’m also reading “The Ethical Slut” and will write about all of this of course!!
We are in babies.
We are in.
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